Thursday, September 29, 2011

Clutter: A Straight Exchange

Before having DD I was almost clutter free. I had moved apartments a few years earlier and thrown out five bin-bags full of clutter before the move. When I unpacked here, things that had a place in the old apartment suddenly seemed superfluous and literally 'out of place'. I filled two more bin-bags to throw out as I was unpacking.

Some people equate their clutter with feeling surrounded by their memories. Clutter as a cosy cushion of familiarity. A safety-blanket. An extension of themselves even. For me the exact opposite is true. I feel distincly uncomfortable as the clutter starts to build up and threatens to overtake the sleek calmness of an uncluttered home. Clutter weighs me down. I used to cheer myself up by throwing things out or giving them away. There are many 'second homes' in Jerusalem and sometimes after visiting such an apartment, I am envious of the clean lines and feeling of space in even a smallish apartment. I have to remind myself that this is a holiday home - they don't actually live there with all their stuff.

Don't get me wrong, I am no modern minimalist. I love old furniture, comfy sofas, rugs, photographs in frames on the sideboard and a selection of ornaments. But I also love space and uncluttered surfaces and floors. Partly it is practical as an Aladin's cave cum Gypsy caravan effect is murder to keep dusted and clean. But it is also pshychological. I can't work until I've tidied up. I hate it that I have a pile of papers that gets shunted from surface to surface because it has no assigned home. It had a home once but that home is now filled with toys and puzzles. And therein lies the problem.

A friend once told me how you bring home a little tiny bundle of baby and a whole household's worth of equipment comes with it. Well over the past year and a half we  have got rid of a lot of the equipment. The cot, the changer, the swinging chair, the activity playmat, the highchair, the baby bath, the baby carrier, the stacks of nappies... all of these are now obsolete and have been passed on to their next homes (except the nappies which stay in the shop). The toys, on the other hand, are everywhere.

I can actually tidy away the toys quite satisfactorally, but they don't stay tidied away. DD likes to play with them, and not unreasonably as they are her toys. I could describe it but it's easier if you just look at the picture (yes you have seen this shot before). After I cleared this particular mess up I went to do something in another room for five minutes. While I was gone DD had all the cushions from the sofa scattered around the floor. "What a mess!" I exclaimed. She looked at me as if I were a moron and explained, "No mess, building a house." So you see, it's a losing battle.

When I lived an uncluttered life, pre-motherhood, I had a very full social life. I entertained regularly, went out with friends, had subscriptions to an art-house cinema and a concert orchestra. I went for walks, ate in cafes, went away for the weekend, went on  holidays. My life has shrunk over the past three years. I stay in after dark, I never entertain, the subscriptions have gone, holidays are not holidays, I eat supper at 5.30pm sitting on a footstool at the coffee-table. It's as if a curious osmosis has drawn clutter into my home to compenate for my lack of ... well... a life.

I hate clutter and I don't enjoy this chaos, however necessary. As I write this I can hear the clinking of glasses next door - my neighbour is hosting a dinner party. I don't wish I were there with them. I accept that my adult life is on hold for a bit while I concentrate on DDs needs. I enjoy going to the park and choosing a lolly on the way home, I like cheesey mashed potatoes for supper, and I love stories in bed at 7pm. I just wish we could do it all with less mess. 

This post was written for the Friday Carnival at Notes from Home. Click on through for more posts about the cluttered or uncluttered home.

18 comments:

  1. Einstein said "If a cluttered desk signs a cluttered mind, of what, then, is an empty desk a sign?". an empty house is probably not as joyful or filled with love perhaps? i totally understand how you are feeling - i feel that the clutter closes in one me, my house gets smaller and my life suddenly feels claustrophobic with no exit possible, but the the girls play with the clutter and draw and paint and i realise that a tidy home is over-rated and definitely a sign of a mis-spent life! i would quite like a social life though...

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  2. Ever Hopeful Mummy - I am trying to take on your approach and be more laid back about the clutter :) Thanks for commenting.

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  3. I love it when a house looks all tidy. Love it. Sadly though I'm naturally messy so it's not something I see often!

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  4. Would you mind very much popping over to Copenhagen to help me declutter our house before the move? Sounds like you are much better at it than I am! Emma :)

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  5. Coffeecurls - I find dreaming about a tidy house soemtines helps ;)

    Emma - A friend had a professional organizer come and help her tidy her bedroom. She gave her what I earn in a month for three days work. I seriously thought of a career change.

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  6. I totally agree with everything you've written. Am on a mission now to get the house organised and tidy. Well when I say now I mean tomorrow - obviously!

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  7. I hate clutter yet I am surrounded by it. My cluttered house absolutely reflects my cluttered blog and my cluttered mind! I can't even tidy up properly. I badly need to de-clutter.

    xx Jazzy

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  8. I also don't like clutter and have a 3.5 yr old - I have a 5x5 cubby hole unit in my lounge, with pullout containers along the bottom row. My DD knows that she needs to put things away when she has finished with them, and definitely tidy everything up before bed time. You just need to get storage space organized for the toys and then get your daughter to use it!

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  9. Oh Rachel... such an uphill battle. I can so relate. The only secret to getting a modicum of control over the mess is "a place for everything and everything in its place". Well, even if it is not in its place at all times, you know where it goes. And if it doesn't have a place, get rid of it. I, like you, find throwing things out to be very cathartic. But be forewarned... You'll cry the day she wants to get rid of her toys!!

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  10. I know you are right Rosa, I just don't have enough places. And it seems silly to buy more storage when I hope to regain my sideboard at some point. And I don't have the wall space for more - even though your idea is a good one Nicole.

    Jazzy - go with the flow, I think you're wonderful!

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  11. Aww...thanks! You're pretty amazing too;-)

    xx

    Jazzy

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  12. I hear you! Sam and I live with my super-easy-going and very accommmodating Dad but it means I am fighting the battle of clutter in a home that is not mine and I can't really organise it the way I would like...very frustrating...and now three years of papers from studying and new stacks of books to read for my post grad course...heheh...I'm off to the charity shop with old clothes and toys later...clutter seems to be the 'modern disease' xx

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  13. Totally agree with you and comments - I struggle to give everything 'its place' and have heals of papers- but what for? Am also on a de-cluttering mission! Def think good storage is solution and she'll love to tidy up herself ;) right?

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  14. Maria - oh yes, she loves tidying up. The Nursery teacher told me that her pavourite part of any activity is to get busy h elping with the clean-up afterwards. She takes after me in theat way :)

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  15. Lucy, I definitely wrote a reply to your comment but it seems to have got lost. It was along the lines of m odern deseases such as noise pollution, time management stress, doit/haveit-all syndrome, etc... Thank you for commenting. xx

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  16. I feel trapped by my clutter.

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  17. Any thoughts on how to live with the mess until it is cleaned up? I'm scared.

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    1. You just have to try and keep it under control with storage boxes and ride it through. At about 4 years old I decided that the toys no longer had to be in the living room and they went into DD's bedroom. That made a huge difference.

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