Thursday, September 8, 2011

Five Things I Want You To Know About Your Father

The Friday Club Parenting Carnival is back at Notes from Home. This week's theme is: Five things I want you to know about your father. An interesting enough theme for most people (read the other entries here). For us it has a different context. I don't know DD's father personally, he was/is an anonymous donor. Nevertheless, here are five things I want DD to know about her father:

1. Your father and I have never met. I don't know his name and he doesn't know my name or your name. Probably he doesn't even know that you were born. What he does know is that once he gave a very special gift - he gave some of his seed to the hospital to help someone have a baby.

2. The hospital gave him some money for giving his seed but he didn't have to do it. There are plenty of other ways to make money. This was a very generous and selfless thing that your father did, and I thank him for it everyday.

3. Your father is Jewish and Israeli of North African/Middle Eastern descent. I chose that your father should be Sephardi because I am Ashkenazi (of European descent) and I wanted a mix of genes. Children of mixed genes are often very beautiful, as you are, and strong and healthy. I also have olive skin and I wanted you to have more chance of looking like me. And, darker skin is much easier to care for, especially if we are living in Israel.

4. Your father has a profession and I'll tell you what it is. His profession required him to study for a degree and also to have good English. So he is educated and employed, as I am. I hope you will inherit his study and work ethic with encouragement, support and example from me.

5. After more than a year of trying to become pregnant, and nothing was happening, the doctor suggested I stop using your father's seed and try another donor. But I chose not to. I had become very fond of your father. He was family already. We had started this journey together and, eventually, I got you. So you see it was absolutely the right choice to stick with him.

42 comments:

  1. Thank you for doing this. I kew as soon as I saw you had done it, it would be very interesting

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  2. Thank you MadHouse. Your comment came through twice so I removed the copy. It's certainly different isn't it? But then so much of life today is different for so many people. We are lucky to live in an age with so many accepted choices.

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  3. Very lovely and insightful post. I think they a lovely things about your daughters father to explain to her.

    xx
    Tinuke

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  4. When I saw that you'd done this, I wondered how you could say 5 things but this post is wonderful. You had so much choice with the conception of your daughter. I think it's lovely that you stuck with the same donor.

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  5. Thank you BoyandMe, he really did feel like family in the end - and in the end he sort of is, whoever he is :)

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  6. An interesting take on the topic and something very precious to reveal to your girl when she's older;-) Lovely. As I suggested on another blog...print it off and frame it perhaps?

    xx Jazzy

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  7. An interesting idea Jazzy, and I'm flattered that you think it deserves framing :)

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  8. Fantastic my lovely, such great stuff to share with your little beauty.


    I loved that you kept trying withn the same donor sperm and ended up with something so perfect.

    Mich x

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  9. Mich, I remember feeling that it was terribly important not to change - as if he wasn't important in the equation when he was important to me. I'd sort of made a commitment to him, if that makes any sense.

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  10. Sounds like it was meant to be. A lovely story because it shows how much your daughter is loved and wanted.

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  11. Thank you Rebecca, my feelings exactly.

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  12. Thanks for writing this up. Like the others, I was interested to know where you would take this prompt - great to have a little insight into the choices and emotions of the process.

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  13. Liveotherwise, it's certainly not how I envisioned becoming a mother but it was also a good experience.

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  14. You have been on such a journey by the sounds of things, but I love your outlook on the whole experience, and what a fantastic outcome! Emma :)

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  15. What an inspiring post! What comes through loud and clear is how much you love your daughter. She is a lucky girl. Lovely post on a fascinating subject.

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  16. Emma - Thank you, it is so important to have a positive outlook on this whole experience or DD will grow up feeling that there was something not quite perfect about how she came into the world, something I want to avoid at all costs.

    Polly - it is fascinating isn't? Even after going through I still find the whole thing fascinating :)

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  17. Wow. That's a really interesting post. I love the way you stuck with the same donor.

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  18. well done for doing this one its great your daughter has some facts about her dad. I didn't dare do this one...

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  19. Know what you mean Becky - there are some themes I have to walk away from too. :)

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  20. Hello. I loved reading this post. And I loved that you persevered with your donor.

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  21. Wonderful post-definitely should be framed :-)x

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  22. This a wonderful post, I really love how you wrote 'he was family already'.

    Thank you so much for doing this prompt, I so hoped you would feel able to join in xx

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  23. Thank you Bibsey Mama and Lucyfurleaps.

    Ella - Thank you for reinstating the carnival and choosing such a great theme. I actually got a lot or clarity out of doing this post, and it strengthened my confidence about some of my parenting decisions.

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  24. Perfect post - so full of thought and honest reflection - I wont it be great if men thinking of donating could read this? They would inspired.
    Your daughter did well to get you ;)

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  25. Thanks Gemma. Your comment has got me thinking about how this post may be put to good use.

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  26. What a brilliant post to show your daughter in the future. So much information from a few facts.

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  27. Thanks AlRes, that's the plan, or at least to speak of it in these terms.

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  28. I love the way you felt a connection with your daughter's father even before she was conceived :)

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  29. Really moving post Rachel. Sounds like you'll be able to explain your situation to your daughter perfectly.

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  30. Blue Sky, thanks - I hope she will have something too, an appreciation maybe/

    Rosie, I hope so. I've certainly thought a lot about it. Thank you.

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  31. What a lovely post, I too love how you stuck with the same donor. :) xx

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  32. Thanks Sarah - I love how some posts stand the test of time. :)

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  33. I think this is really superb that you have documented this for her - I think its something she will come back to look upon how carefully and how much thought you put into the whole experience x

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  34. Thanks alyson - I'm hoping she will see it the way we do :)

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  35. "I chose that your father should be Sephardi because I am Ashkenazi (of European decent) and I wanted a mix of genes. Children of mixed genes are often very beautiful, as you are, and strong and healthy."

    Mixed Ashkenazi and Mizrachi genes are also genetically the strongest. I speak as the mother of two Yemenite/Ashkenazi children, and remember a particularly gratifying moment when pregnant, at the geneticist's office being tested for the one thing that wasn't ruled out by the mix (Fragile X) when he congratulated me on my well-chosen mix!

    I think this is one of the most beautiful and moving posts I have ever read. EVER. Once again, I applaud your courage and fortitude -- DD should know how lucky she is to have such a fabulous mummy.

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    1. Wow Trollmamma, what a lovely comment - thank you. I didn't know that Ashkenazi/Sephardi was such a good combo, I just felt it would be good. Thanks again.

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  36. Very thoughtful. Special. Sending u an fb msg. I too went for the healthy option mix - I agree with TrollMama - it was particularly gratifying in the doctor's surgery (especially when other places weren't quite so welcoming in those days).

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    1. Thanks Sherrie - I'm sure you weren't thinking of the healthy option when you fell in love with your husband even though it was an added bonus. :)

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  37. no.5 made me cry - don't know why x

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