Some R2BC And The Crisis To Come

First day of 7th Grade. This is all I got.

I only blogged once in August because there was little to say. We watched Netflix and You Tube, we had dinner a couple of times with friends, DD went to one Bat Mitzva party (a picnic in the Botanical Gardens), she had a friend over a couple of times, and we got fat. That was our summer. Reason 2B Cheerful - we didn't get corona. 

Today is my birthday. I'm nearer 50 than 40 (and always will be). So that's one Reason 2B Cheerful. And another is that we're invited out to dinner tonight. 

DD is back at school for four days a week for half days. This week she was in the second shift - 10.50 am till 2.20 pm. Next week she'll be in the 8 am till 10.20 group. The second shift isn't so good. They have more school hours but there's a lot of hanging around in the morning waiting to leave. It's only a 12 minute walk to her school. 

Only on Fridays it's different because the school closes at 12.30 pm for the weekend. I thought she had a 10.20 start this morning so I didn't hassle her about the time. Suddenly she flies into a panic at 9.40 because that was when her first lesson started. I had no idea. She ran out of the house crying to run up the hill (it's a mountain) in 35 deg C heat. She'll be ok but I felt for her. It's not nice to have to walk in late in the first week of a new school. 

On Sunday and Monday she has distance learning from home for the full 6 hours. It's a R2BC that DD has some sort of schedule again, even if it requires keeping on the ball to know where she should be and when. 

Israel has gone from being among the best coping countries during the first wave, to being the worst as of this week. We are now the top country for the number of new cases in relation to population. R2BC - I did an online supermarket shop and we have enough food in the apartment to see us through the threatened lockdown in the coming weeks. 

Did I mention that my salary a my college has been reduced by 60% for the same amount of work? I'm prepared to take one for the team during this crisis but the great terms of employment we had BC (Before Corona) will never be reinstated AD (After Disaster). What we have now is what most colleges do and have done for years. I enjoyed extremely generous terms for 10 years and now it's over forever. R2BC - thanks for the great first 10 years. 

I'm not panicking about the salary situation because there are about 3 million people in this country who are worse off than me. People in service industries, tourism and all 'non-essentials' related jobs. All these people have either lost their jobs or are on greatly reduced income. People who rent and have a number of children to feed. People in the early years of a large mortgage. Older people who might never find work again. This is not a R2BC but the government will not allow half the country to be homeless and starving so solutions will be found. This is a Reason 2B Hopeful.

I read that the real economic crisis won't hit until next spring when we'll have the beginnings of people using up all their savings and redundancy money, and unemployment payments stop (you only get a year of dole money here). 

My nephew tried to explain to me that he heard from an economist (his brother) that because it's a world wide phenomenon, governments will be allowed to print more money without devaluing their currencies as long as all countries print the same amount of money. This money can be used for stimulus projects and income support. So R2BC - we will cope and we will survive. 

The sad thing is that these drastic stimulus measures will only be implemented when most people have used up all their savings. They will survive but all dreams of a better future (buying a better property or even just getting on the property ladder, opening a business, a comfortable retirement, etc...) will have been dashed and we will have to start from scratch. Or maybe a more modest world will be good for all of us. R2BC? I'm not sure. 

So amongst the doom, about eight or nine Reasons 2B cheerful or at least grateful and hopeful. And this is why I've not blogged for the past few weeks.

A last R2BC is that the R2BC linky is back on Becky's blog - Lakes Single Mum. Check her out for beautiful photos of Kendal and The Lakes. 

One-Upmanship - Let It Go

🏆 In 1952 Stephen Potter (1900 -1969) published the infamous guides to Lifemanship and specifically One-upmanship.

On holiday with a friend, we played several rounds of backgammon in the hotel lounge and I won. "You're very competitive," she observed, "I never realised that about you before." Say it with a smile and it's not an insult right? She lost at backgammon that night but she won at life.

Another time a friend was telling me about a wonderful place she'd visited on her travels. It was the most spectacular scenery in the world. She ended her description with, "I don't care how many pictures or videos people see, you cannot understand the full beauty of it unless you've been there." What is there left to say after that? You've been to better places than boring old me so you win?

Lifemanship is making yourself appear more accomplished or knowledgeable, or the better person. It's chatting with an accomplished writer and saying that you plan to write novels when you retire. It's following a story about a walking holiday in the Lake District with, "When I went hiking in the Himalayas..."

It's basically disrespect for the knowledge and experiences of others.

One-upmanship is altogether more sinister. A back-handed compliment but more nuanced. Use it clumsily and you look mean. However, with some practice it can be honed into an art form. By all means use One-upmanship on your enemies, your adversaries, or your competitors. Be aware that you'll still look mean and people will hate you for it, they just won't be able to pin anything on you.

"One-upmanship is making the other man feel that something has gone wrong ever so slightly" (Stephen Potter). It's leaving the other with a slight feeling of discomfort. You can't argue with One-upmanship. "What do you mean? I gave her a compliment!"

It's meeting an older friend for coffee and saying, "How lovely to see you out and about and looking so well."

Another example I read once, went like this: You invite guests for dinner and you've obviously spent much time and effort cooking a lavish selection of dishes and desserts. One guest compliments you with, "Thank you so much for tonight, it was a lovely evening. The mayonnaise was delicious. I would love the recipe. I can't stop thinking about how good it was. You are clever."

Or the parting that ends with, "I've really enjoyed meeting you and spending time with you. I hope you find what you're looking for in life." (What? I'm concerned about you.)

Have you ever been One-upped? What do you do? You smile to yourself and remember that One-upmanship is the tool of the insecure. It's used by people who feel that: "if you're not one-up, you're one-down" (Rilke). Feel sorry for the habitual One-upman but never confront him. He'll pretend  not to understand why you're upset. If he needs to always feel superior he's not going to apologise, is he? Let it go. And you can feel a little superior if you like, because of your maturity and stronger sense of self.

Corona Changed Everything

I am no worrier. I've lived in Israel for a very long time. I have friends. I even have childhood friends who also moved here. I work, I bought an apartment, I did IVF and had a baby, I've been a single mother for almost 12 years. And all this in a language I'm not 100% comfortable with.

I hate the weather in the summer which is far too hot for me, and getting hotter apparently. I hate the national pass-time of hiking in the countryside because I can't see any countryside - only Mediterranean scrub. Otoh, I love it that we live 45 minutes from the Mediterranean. In theory. We're actually not beach lovers.

I love visiting the UK. I love the countryside, I love walking in the countryside. I love London, I love the humour, I love listening to the radio talk shows and understanding all of it. I love dealing with bureaucracy or commerce on the phone or by email because I have full command of the language and all its nuances.

I've always been torn between living here and living in the UK. The more years you expat yourself, the harder it is to go back. The more you have invested in your expat life and the less you have to go back to. However, no one expected covid-19 or that it would change everything. Not just highlighting what I already knew, but bringing up things that I also already knew but had buried deep.

We are far away from close family. It wasn't a problem when a short plane ride was available and traffic went both ways - they came to us and we went to them. But now what happens if I get sick? Who looks after DD? Would you take in a traumatised child who needs to be in quarantine for two weeks and could endanger your own family?

So I'm being over cautious about social distancing. DD came to me last night and said sadly, "Mummy everyone else is out having fun." In theory she's correct. In practice, we both know that we hate that sort of hiking or even picnicking in 34 degree heat sort of "fun". I don't even know what other kind of fun there is in this country in this sort of heat. In past years we went along with friends and endured the heat in order to enjoy the company.

I have a drivers' license but I don't drive here because I don't have a person to call if we break down, get stuck or have an accident. I mean, I have people to call in an emergency but once the emergency bit is over, I still have to deal with all the mechanical and insurance issues. This scares the hell out of me. So we don't have a car and as much as I say it's cheaper to take a taxi any time we want to go anywhere out of town (which it is - I've done the maths) we don't. Our lives are limited.

Our lives are limited, not only by lack of private transport. It's a language thing. I shy away from too much responsibility at work, at school (DD's and mine) and in the community. This is tragic for a natural joiner and organiser.

Finally, as we face DD going into Middle and High School, I feel I'm limiting her education. Her Hebrew has surpassed mine but due to our English lives at home, she doesn't have the language skills necessary to excel. And though I can help her with the material, by looking up the information in English, I can't help her with presenting what she knows. School is half about what you know and half about presenting what you know according to the teachers' requirements.

Maybe covid-19 has turned me into a worrier. Or maybe it has just made me face some difficult truths. Whichever, it has changed everything.

One Of Those Women?

A dress. It's not a photography blog, ok? 

Many years ago my flatmate and I decided to have a party in our apartment. We were living in the middle of a building with windows front and back. Left, right, up, and down were other apartments. They were mostly occupied by retired women - probably because it was a building of tiny apartments in an old neighbourhood. So being British and polite, we knocked on all the neighbouring doors to tell them in advance, apologise for the noise, and assure them that it would be over at midnight.

Back in our apartment, my flatmate said, "did you notice how every door was opened by a bra-less middle-aged woman?" We fell about laughing. We didn't get it. We didn't understand how not going out to work, not having a partner or flatmates, not having friends popping over without notice, can lead to a level of not bothering to get dressed heretofore unimagined.

I have DD of course but she's as laid back as I am. When we made the list of what clothes she needs for this summer it boiled down to 1 T-shirt, 1 pair of shorts, and 14 pairs of pyjamas. Even on a normal Shabbat (Saturday) we sometimes don't get dressed all day if we're not meeting up with friends. So I was halfway there before this isolation business. I blame a lot of it on the extreme heat in the summer but essentially, I had become one of those women.

My current neighbour, one of the first of us to go into quarantine after returning from the US in March, is also a single woman. However, she got up early every day, dressed as if she were going to work, and kept to some sort of routine. I want to be one of these women. I was not in quarantine at the time and we'd meet on our balconies - she in full make-up and executive blouse, me in my bathrobe.

The Fly Lady says the first thing you should do every morning is get up and dress till shoes. There is so much common sense in this. When your friend brings something round for you and asks if you can meet her at the corner as she's in a rush, you can just nip down to meet her. When someone says, "meet me in Roladin for coffee in 20 minutes," you can be there in 20 minutes because you don't have to also shower and dress in that time.

Yesterday I decided that with another five weeks of summer break still to go, I was not going to be one of "those" women anymore. So this morning I got up early, showered, and dressed till shoes (my Fitflops do double duty as shoes and slippers). And here I am. All dressed up and nowhere to go - because we're actually trying not to socialize atm.

So did it make any difference? Yes of course it did. Not sure yet. I'll give it a few more days and let you know.

Tomatoes But No Abundance - R2BC

A few weeks ago I cut up a tomato and planted it in soil.
Now I have three tomatoes growing. 

This week was productive. Who was it who said, "when you look back on days you were proud, they won't be days when you did nothing."? 

The Linky is with Becky on Lakes Single Mum and here are my Reasons 2B Cheerful this week. 

1
The End
I wrapped up three college courses and submitted the final grades to two of them. (The 3rd course has a retake exam at the end of August for those who need it (failed or absent).

2
Cleanliness is next to Godliness
Wrapping up those courses freed my mind to start cleaning my apartment which has been neglected for a few weeks. It feels good to restore some order and DD appreciates it too.

1
Abundance - Ha!
I walked away from Deepak Chopra's Abundance course. I still believe in the power of the mind but on the third session the task was to start your own course and invite your own friends to join it. In other words it was a scam to get more hits on DC's You Tube channel - where the sessions are located.

My friend who invited me was only doing it as part of her course. I thought she'd chosen me among her friends as a spiritually open person and I believed she had a calling to guide such a course among her friends. I'm cheerful because I had the sense to just walk away when my instincts told me to. It was abundance for Deepak Chopra that's who. My abundance will come and meanwhile, it freed up some much needed time in the mornings. Actually, I'm over-abunded with work atm.

4
Refund
I got a refund from DD's school in lieu of the class trips and other activities that didn't happen last semester. At least that.

5
Bureaucracy
Lots of bank and bureaucracy to deal with this week. Yes it's a hassle but I'll feel great when it's done.

6
Summer Course
My summer course starts in one week. I'm actually looking forward to setting it up on the website. It's something new this summer. I'm using more of the website's wigdets and gadgets for quizzes and forums, rather than just asking students to submit work.

7
Stairway to Heaven
The building committee in my block has sprung to life over the past couple of months. Suddenly things are getting fixed. This week our stairwell is being painted. I've set up a Paybox account to collect money from all the apartments. (Did I mention that I was coerced onto the building committee?). Let's see how much of a hassle this becomes. So far I'm only one who has paid up.

That's it for now. Have a good week.

Corona Car Rally - R2BC

A car in a mask.

My Reasons 2B Cheerful this week are about DD's graduation from primary school. In a normal year the 6th Grade go on a two day trip with a sleep over, they spend weeks rehearsing a full show, and there's a graduation ceremony. It's a big deal.

This year they were barely in school for any of their final semester and obviously there was no trip. The parents' committee came up with an alternative keeping to the corona restrictions and gave the 6th Grade a great sendoff.

We met at the school (HQ) at 16.15 with decorated cars. The first event was a car rally around Jerusalem. Each car had two pupils and two parents. We were given five clues to places we had to go to in the correct order, and at each station we had a task to complete and then send photographic evidence (still or video) back to HQ. It was cleverly organised so that everyone had different stations and tasks in different orders.

As the photos and videos came in they were forwarded to the class and parents' whatsapp groups so we could enjoy seeing everyone else's efforts as we completed our own tasks.

Our route went as follows:
1. Cinema City to the person who said, "Sometimes it's the smallest things that fill up your heart." We googled it. It was Winnie the Pooh. Unfortunately the Disney statues were closed off. I felt I should have got extra points for finding a Winnie the Pooh stuffed toy in a vending machine. But we didn't and other groups were told to just skip that bit.

2. Sing this song in the appropriate place. Our song was Under the Sea so we went to the aquarium. Our girls were too embarrassed to sing so I took over the performance - making up the words as I went along in Hebrew. Then they had a better understanding of what embarrassment is.

3. The clue was a sculpture at the Science Museum where we had to build the tallest tower we could build.

4. We had to go to the house of the school nurse, where she had laid on healthy fresh fruit for her visitors. (Other cars went to other staff members with similar related treats.)

5. This is where we cheated. Although I claim that we were in credit for finding the alternative Pooh. Our final task was to go to the Jerusalem Forest, a good hour's drive round trip, and write a message in sticks, stones, and cones. We found some local trees near the school and faked the forest.

Back at school a burger supper was served in four different classrooms. Then parents who'd been on the car rally went home and the second parents arrived because only one parent per child was allowed, to keep the numbers down. First time ever being a single parent has been an advantage.

Parents of one class went to watch a slide-show while parents of the other class watched the kids performing some skits, dances, music, etc... followed by the graduation ceremony. Then the parents swapped places and the whole thing was repeated. There was a lot of hanging around.

For me the highlight of the performances was a group of kids marching onto the stage, chanting, "and then we returned to school!" Halfway across the stage they turned and walked the other way, chanting, "and then we didn't return to school." This was repeated a few times: "Then we did return to school!" "Then we didn't return to school!" "Then we did return to school!" Etc...

OMG, this is exactly how it was. As a teacher myself I can tell you that at least twice a week we were waiting for someone's test results to see if the whole school would be closed, or if just one class would be in isolation (and all who taught in her), or what the new government regulations were regarding which classes go to school and which get remote lessons and on which days. Absolutely crazy.

We came home late, exhausted but happy. It was hard leaving the building because it would be the last time. It wasn't the building, obviously, it was the last time these particular parents would meet as a group. We were a good group. And it was a final letting go of DD's young childhood.

As always, the linky is with Becky on Lakes Single Mum.

Last Day Of Primary School

First Day at Kindergarten, aged 3 3/4

Can you believe it? I'm the single mum who just had a baby on my own. Only apparently that was almost 12 years ago and that baby just left primary school.

I'm the friend who dropped out of social events in the evenings because she had a baby/toddler/little girl at home. Only now there's no little girl at home. Only an almost teenager who looks remarkably like a young woman.

I look at the school opposite our house and down the road and it's no longer our school after eight long years.

I took DD to the kindergarten when she was still 3. It was two year groups together and the twins who 'adopted' her were almost 6. She was tiny and a bit like the mascot of the kindergarten.

In 1st Grade I had to take her into the classroom every day and wait for the bell. Some days the Headmistress had to prize her off me saying, "A kiss from Mummy and in you go." What she meant was - off you go Mummy and be quick about it.

By 2nd Grade I was leaving her at the school gates and watching her run inside.

In 3rd Grade she wanted me to stop half way down the road and let her walk the last bit with her friends. I watched until she'd gone through the school gates.

By 4th grade I only had to see her across the road.

In 5th grade she went by herself, carefully crossing the road as I watched from the balcony and waved. She got her own front door key for the days that she arrived home before me.

In 6th Grade I often had to go to work early, leaving DD to lock up and go to school. Three times a month she was the supervisor for the crossing guard.

I tried to send her to bed tonight. I don't know what I was thinking. "Good luck with that," she replied, "No school until September remember."

I remember.