Monday, September 3, 2012

A Woman In Her Forties

That's me, a woman in her 40s. I'm trying to savour the moments which is quite hard with a 3yo who won't go to sleep and keeps calling out very important questions from the next room. In just over three hours time I'll be a woman in her 50s. It doesn't matter how much I savour and dwell on being 49, it's going to pass and there's nothing I can do about it.

So what? It's just a number? True, but it's a significant one. There's a bigger difference between being in your 40s and in your 50s than there is between 20s, 30s and 40s I think. Twenties to 40s are all getting married, building families, establishing careers (some earlier some later). In your fifties you are not having any more babies (not that I wanted to), you are a mere 10 years away from the retirement 60s (even though the age of retirement will be 67 by the time I get there), most of your friends are organising weddings for their children and becoming grandparents (which is a good thing). You see how I've contradicted every moan about the 50s? So what is it that is so heavy about tonight?

I'm probably more than half way through my life. I'm not old but I am no longer a young woman with my whole life stretching out before me full of endless possibilities. On the other hand I have far more now than I did when I turned 40.

My daughter has fallen asleep finally in her own bed in our own home. I have work to do because my career as a teacher requires work at home, as do most careers. And when I'm turning 70 I'll probably look back on this night with amusement and wistfulness.

Generally I like the zero years. The nines are tough - 29, 39, 49 - because I feel the pressure to achieve everything I ever aspired to before my decade is out. Twenty and 30 had big fat zeroes at the end of the number like a clean slate. Ten years ahead of me to do it all. Forty was harder because it was the beginning of the end of 'young enough' adulthood and I hadn't yet done very much of 'it all.' I'm hoping 50 will bring the zero effect with it once more. I won't know until tomorrow morning whether it will or not - I'll let you know.

Dammit, I'm a young mother! I don't feel middle aged!

Goodnight,
Rachel (aged 49 364.9/365)



35 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. Thanks Chaia, I think a blog post was a good thing - I feel the love coming in :).

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  2. happy borthday for tomorrow and whatever age you are remember you are fantabbydodo Debbie U xx

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    1. Debby U, I would only accept fantabbydodo from you. Thank you old friend (though younger than me). xxx

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  3. A very touching post and very true about the pressure we have on achieving things by certain ages. I'm very guilty of that I have always had an age timeline on what I want to achieve. Sometimes it works out other times it doesn't. As I get older I try and focus on what I have been blessed with thus far and focus on the present. See you tomorrow old gal! Joke! x

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    1. Yes but not do old that I won't be around tomorrow you young wippersnapper (however you spell it). And I will try to follow your good example (yet again). xx

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  4. Goodness, a solemn occasion indeed. I've always longed for my fifties. Imagine myself somehow wealthy and liberated and taking Antarctic cruises with the kids flown. But since fifties are so far something that happens to other people, they are unthreatening. I guess I'll share you're trepidation when my time comes. Happy Birthday!

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    1. Getting older was something that happened to other people - I don't know how it happened to me. Thanks for the birthday wishes.

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  5. Happy, happy birthday. May it be the best year yet!
    (and now you've made me ponder my next birthday... not quite ready for 40...)

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    1. Thanks Ester. As for your next birthday, pft! 40, a mere spring chicken.

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  6. Happy Birthday! I'm a big believer that you are only as old as you feel.

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    1. Which makes me about 30something - I'm happy with that.

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  7. Have a wonderful day tomorrow! Age is just a number :)

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  8. Happy Birthday!! I'm 51 now and I can confirm that everything will be fine xx

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    1. I know it will but it's nice to have some shining examples paving the way. Thanks :)

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  9. Wishing you a very happy birthday lovely lady. You are most certainly a young women and keep remembering that.

    Mich x

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    1. T.hanks Mich, it's actually gone midnight here and nothing seems to have changed about me. However, I was born at 2am in the UK. (Did they have British Summer Time in 1962?)

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  10. Happy Birthday. In Israel you are already 50, in the US, not yet - 2 more hours. But as you were born in the UK, I think its a done deal. 50 seems scary to me - but its creeping up on me much faster than I would wish. I totally understand the apparent contradiction between having young kids, and yet being the age of some grandparents. But there are no regrets. Getting older is much better than the alternative. Have a great year, and a wonderful decade.

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    1. Thanks ajs, and yes, it's certainly better to reach 50 than the alternative.

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  11. Ad 120--so you're not middle aged yet : )
    Have a wonderful birthday!

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  12. Happy birthday, my 50th is just 4 years away so it's not too soon to start preparing :)

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    1. Absolutely. The earlier you start the more you can achieve. (Sorry I've taken so long to reply to this message - I just found it in spam for some reason).

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  13. YAY!! Welcome to the #50club! It's not too bad over here after all, is it and 1962 was a wonderful year :-)

    I love your take on being 39, 49 etc. Now, remember the best, the only, way to deal with this is to celebrate whenever, however and as often as you can! And don't say no to ANY invite ;-) As I told you yesterday on twitter I'm still celebrating my 50th 7 months on!

    xx Jazzy

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  14. Oh God it only hit me recently that I will be 40 sooooon :-(
    Have to quickly get fit and slim before then.....
    Eeeek
    Liska xxx

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    1. Funny how so many of us have the same reaction. Never mind learning French or the piano, we just have to be fir and slim. How long have you got?

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  15. Happy Birthday! I hope you had a lovely day. Being 50 does feel a bit different, but it's not so bad, as you say, we're still young mums...though I wouldn't say no to becoming a Granny sometime soon too :)

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    1. Candi - your daughter is only 18! Give her time :). And yes you are right, it does feel a bit different though I can't say why.

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  16. I've been on holiday, have just returned, and wanted to send you a belated Happy Birthday! XXX I hope you had a great day. I so get the 2/3/4 '9 thing! XXX

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    1. Thanks OM, I'm still waiting for the zero thing to kick in though.

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  17. Congratulations on such a milestone. I'm not so far off but cannot comprehend it either. I feel about 30! Hope it's the start of many (more) wonderful times for you X

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    1. Thank you OSM - I have to admit that I'm finding this week a bit hard and I don't know if it's connected or not.

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