Before I give my opinion I'll tell you three very short, true stories.
1. When I was 8 and my brother was 5, he brought home a friend from school to play. When the boy's mother collected him she said that she loves it when he gets to play with children his own age as he only has a half-sister at home who is 12 and more like an aunty to him than a sister. As I said, I was 8 and I remember thinking: WOW 12, that's so old!
2. A few months ago I walking in the street with a much younger mother from DD's nursery and a friend from years ago passed us. We said a quick, 'hellohowareyou' and continued walking. I was actually shocked by how old my friend looked. I said to the friend I was walking with, 'would you believe that woman was in the same school year as me?' She was also shocked.
So what could we conclude from these anecdotes?
From number 1, that age is relative. A 20 year old thinks a 50 year old is older than a 45 year old thinks about the same person. But a 70 year old would consider the 50 year old to be young.
From number 2, we all age at different rates and it has little to do with our number of years. The woman we met was probably tired (she has five children), she had not dressed to her best advantage, she was not wearing any make-up and is naturally pale, and who knows what other factors were acting that day to make her look years older than me.
On the other hand, I am a 'young' mother with a 3yo in nursery school. The other parents I mix with are between 5 and 25 years younger than me. I don't feel it. They are all very friendly and we have fun in the park after school and at the nursery parties and picnics. We have been invited to lunch and play on weekends and if the other children's Grandma is there, she's sometimes nearer my age than the parents. No one cares. It's not even a matter for comment.
*All pictures from Google Images
My 83 year old dad takes "his old ladies" shopping and on hospital visits - as does my 79 year old mother.. I think their "old ladies" are in some cases younger than they are... I still think my dad is a bit immature ... maybe that is what keeps him young.
ReplyDeleteMybe that's the secret Janice - we shoulf strive for immaturity. :)
DeleteThey were so different weren't they! I agree age is a state of mind and your post was very mature and well written. Physically though there is no escaping it! And I would be quite happy to bow out at 75 I can tell you. Acceptance is key with ageing in my mind. I forgot to also put in my mother was wearing a mini skirt the other day because she's slim and I was like that doesn't make it right!!x
ReplyDeleteIf your're slim you're allowed to do anything you like. :)
Deletep.s I hope I didn't cause offence re the having children. I don't judge anyone that has them later. I do think physically (that includes myself) you're meant to have them early its only society that has made it fashionable to have them later. x
ReplyDeleteNo offense taken, especially as I didn't choose to become an older mother, I just wasn't lucky enough to become pregnant earlier (and not through lack of trying ;)). I certainly felt that at 45 the pregnancy put a huge strain on my body.
DeleteIt's weird cause we don't think of our Nanda who's 85 or our Grandfather who was 83 when he died as old, but our Nana who turned 80 this year and our Granny who's 78 I think are old to all of us.
ReplyDeleteI can understand that perfectly - I think one's demeanor plays a big part in how other's perceive us and to how we feel ourselves.
DeleteAs a middle-aged woman with one parent who died at 44 and another who TG is still travelling the world and keeping very busy at 79 (tomorrow), I can relate much more to this posting than to Natasha's. My father doesn't claim to be young, but why should he stay home and potter because he is considered old? People are living longer and those who die in their early 70s have not really "had a good innings" yet.The 70s seem to me to be a good age for many people since they have few responsibilities but generally still have the health and strength to be active in may ways.
ReplyDeleteI would not want to dress as a 20 year-old, but I still want to be fashionable and stylish and how I look isn't less important to me at 47 than it was at 27. Caring about how I look doesn't mean I don't want to age (far better than the alternative) and not wanting to be middle-aged is more about the image that brings to mind that doesn't seem to match how I feel.
So yes, it's all relative, subjective and individual - and I have wittered enough.
But such good wittering Gillian - I agree with everything you have said.
DeleteInteresting post Rachel – but who cares? I met someone who I grew up recently (a woman, not that it’s particularly relevant) with who lied to my face about their age to me until I reminded them that they were in the year above me at school!
ReplyDeleteI just do not understand the obsession with age. I turned 50 a few months ago and it was about as significant to me as any other day in my life – I feel like a 35 behave like a 25yr old and most likely look like an overweight 50 yr old, but what the heck – its only a number, get on with life and enjoy yourself, wrinkles, grey hairs and all ;)
Richard you are of course absolutely right. I wrote this in repsonse to Natasha's stance which she wrote about in her post. Thanks for commenting.
DeleteI liked this post- age is just a number and (health depending) largely irrelevant. I have friends who range in age from their early 20s to their seventies. Sometimes I think about my age, sometimes I don't. You can't hold back the passing of time so I just go with the flow. At 42 I don't feel old, but I feel (I hope) rather wiser than I was in my 20s- I have enjoyed each age more than the last I'd say. Long may that continue! Having fun is certainly a contributory factor to how old/young you feel I'm sure :)
ReplyDeleteWise words Anna - and of course I agree with all of them, especially about fun - what changes is your idea of 'fun' I think but it's still fun.
DeleteRachel -I think the point about age being relative to how old you are your self is huge and how the gap closes as life stages between people coalesce. As a child, physical,mental and emotional development dictate how you relate to older and younger children. Once some of the factors that separate older from younger disappear, age is just not a factor in the same way. As you point out the mothers you meet in the park ar younger than you ,but you are all at the same life stage in terms of your children and that's what levels the playing field. Gily
ReplyDeleteYou are totally right Gilly - it's shared experience rather than age that bonds the parents from the nursery. Thanks for commenting.
DeleteI sat on the train a few days ago opposite some school girls probably 12/13. One of them said "He was really really old, about 60". I didn't know whether to crumple or lean over, tap her on the knee and say "Ahem! I am 60 and I am not really old, I'm not even old". My dad is 88 and I don't think of him as old and my mum at 93 says she doesn't feel old inside it's just the outside that has aged. It's true that age is all in the mind.
ReplyDeleteBut had you tapped her knee and said, "I'm not old," they wouldn't have believed you because to them anyone over 40 is old. This will continue to be the case until they hit about 35 when old gets shunted up to about 55 and remains at approximately 20 years ahead of their own age. It's how we are programmed. Only us older people know the secret of eternal youth is how we feel inside.
DeleteAs you and others have commented, age is relative and it depends on how you feel on the inside. I will always remember taking my 85 year old father to see a specialist at the hospital. When it turned out the the doctor's 'speciality' was geriatrics my father was mortally offended, declaring that he would never have imagined being sent to see a 'doctor for the elderly' at such a young age! He simply wasn't prepared to feel old...and carried on that way until he passed away.
ReplyDeleteJill, when my grandfather was 85 he used to talk about going to do the service on Saturday morning for the old folks in the old age home. He certainly never counted himself among their number. As you say, a state of mind.
Deleteohh very interesting, no definitive age is old for me. I hardly think about peoples ages to be honest but I have noticed recently that hubbie and I look older but that's Ok for now!
ReplyDeleteMich x
Looking older is ok if you are ok about your age - it's all connected. And our experience of life so far wouldn't fit into a 22yo's life so it's quite cool to be a bit older I think.
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