"When I'm big I can have a baby in my tummy." said DD.
"Yes, then you'll be a mummy."
"Or a sister. Maybe I'll have a sister because I haven't got a sister? Oh, I want a sister."
There were two sisters. I think about them. They would've been 5 1/2 now. What would they be like? Would one of them be like DD? I would want one to be like DD because, had they lived beyond 21 1/2 weeks in utero, I would never have gone on to have DD.
In no case scenario could I have all my three girls.
What a touching post.
ReplyDeleteLiska x
Thanks Liska.
ReplyDeletewhat ifs...
ReplyDeleteonly He knows how and why
but we can reflect upon what ifs,
different scenarios playing out in our head,
replaying with alternative endings.
I guess though, we are where we are supposed to be...
what ifs or no what ifs.
hope that you are doing ok... am very aware I didn't respond to a comment you made a while ago...
just to say I've been thinking about you a lot
but haven't quite been able to reach out to you
x
I'm fine, thanks. Please don't feel you have to reach out to me or answer my comments if you don't feel like it or if, as is very possible, they aren't helpful in any way. I try to relate to your posts but I may not always say the right thing. I appreciate that your writing helps you cope/deal and I will always try to be a good reader.
DeleteLots of love xxx
I forgot to say that I agree - Ifs aren't really helpful, only acceptance if you can manage it. Acceptance is harder.
DeleteSometimes life turns out the way it should, although the means is painful. I have never figured life out! At this juncture, I doubt I ever will.
ReplyDeleteYou express the "what ifs" very eloquently.
Thanks Cie. I like that view that life turns out the way it should. Not always easy for those suffering but easier than trying to figure out how you could have made it different.
DeleteHug x
ReplyDeleteThanks x
DeleteVery powerful X.
ReplyDeleteI am a firm believer in things happening for a reason. It helps me cope with the more painful stuff through life's path... Beautiful writing.
ReplyDeleteGosh that has made me think!Very thought provoking words x
ReplyDeleteLovely writing, took me to a painful memory of my own, although I agree with some of the other commenters - that everything happens for a reason. Doesn't make it easy, though.
ReplyDeleteHow beautitul, and sad. ((xx)) Jazzy
ReplyDeleteYou express so much in very few words.
ReplyDeleteIt's taken me a long time to respond to this, because I lost a baby before my first son was born. That was 21 years ago. I hope that hospitals and medical professionals are more sensitive now than they were then and understand that it is more than the physical loss. It also the loss of all the hopes and dreams that went with that baby as soon as you knew you were pregnant. It is true that I would not have my oldest son if the other pregnancy had been viable and I am so grateful and lucky to have him.....so yes I focus on that and the other blessings in my life. These experiences all shape you into the person you become. No one said was easy though!
You are right, not easy but in my case the hospital in Jerusalem (Hadassah Mt Scopus) were amazing in every way possible. I was 'lucky' in that respect at least.
Delete