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| One loose screw and you begin to doubt everything you believed in. |
A recent example in my life was when a student asked to start the online summer course early because she has three weeks off in June but will be working through July. As the course is not available yet online, I have to send her batches of assignments and instructions by email - a task I agreed to out of the goodness of my heart (and because the Head of Dept. asked me to). She sent me her latest submissions the day before a four-day national holiday and four days later, before I'd even got back to the office, she emailed the Head of Dept. that I wasn't answering her emails. That is chutzpah.
A more well known and used example is the person convicted of murdering his parents who asks the judge for leniency on account of being an orphan.
So now we're on the same page, I have a question. I wrote yesterday about how long it took me to screw 20 screws into my new IKEA table with nothing but my trusty old screwdriver. I wrote how it took me all day to do it in increments as it was tough going and I was getting blisters on my hands. An electric drill/screwdriver would have done the job in about two minutes.
I happen to know that my upstairs neighbour has an electric drill/screwdriver and normally I'd have no problem asking a neighbour for a small favour like this. However, my upstairs neighbour is a handyman by profession. And therein lies the problem.
He charges a reasonable amount of money for an hour's work and then slightly less for subsequent hours when needed, plus the cost of materials used. Last month I asked him to come and help me shift big furniture - beds that had to be dismantled to be moved into different rooms and a large bulky and heavy piece of furniture to be taken down three flights of stairs to the rubbish. It all took about an hour, I paid the money, everyone was happy.
But now I had a two-minute job that you would ask a neighbour to help you with but you wouldn't ask your handyman to come and do for free. I could probably get away with it once but he'd be thinking, is this going to become a habit? He told me last time that I should wait until I have a list of things to be done so that the first hour's payment is comfortable for both of us.
The trouble is that most people don't need a handyman to screw in a few screws.
I tried to think what would happen if the tables were turned. What if he asked me to teach his daughter. If she wanted a few lessons to bring her up to scratch for an English exam I would expect him to pay for it. But if she knocked on my door one day (she's only 3 btw but for argument's sake) and asked, "please can you help me, I have to do this homework on the 3rd conditional and I don't understand it." There is no doubt that I would tell her to come in and I'd spend the 10 or 20 minutes it would take to explain it to her. No doubt whatsoever. And I'd not for one second think of this as a chutzpah.
Likewise if any of my former students were to call with the same problem and ask if they could pop round for the same explanation. No problem at all. Maybe the difference is whether they pop round to me or if I have to go to them? Who knows? All I know is, one loose screw and everything you believed in about neigbourliness and helping others falls apart.
Am I lacking in confidence or just too nice? I regularly countersign passport photos for friends who are renewing their British passports as I'm a UK qualified teacher. But when I needed my request to have my degrees accredited by the Israel Ministry of Education signed by lawyer, the lawyer's secretary signed on his behalf and used his stamp, and charged me 50 shekels!
Otoh, another lawyer friend wrote a number of letters to another neighbour for me, when there was a problem with a leak that they wouldn't resolve, and she didn't charge me anything.
It's a minefield of professional etiquette versus chutzpah out there. I'm covered for the next IKEA episode as my lovely friend Yael offered to bring her electric drill round next time for the price of a cup of coffee and a chinwag. Meanwhile I'm nursing my blistered hands and wondering what others would have done.
What would you have done?
Ask a different neighbour - end of problem
ReplyDeleteThat's not the point. There was no problem as I screwed the screws myself, albeit taking longer to do it. It's the principle.
DeleteYou should have popped upstairs and asked to "borrow" his electric screwdriver for 10 mins. that would have given him 3 options:
ReplyDelete1 - say no - you are no worse off
2 - Lend it to you - you could have done the work yourself quickly, learned a new skill and avoid blisters!
3 - if he is a decent bloke, he would have popped down and done it for you in a couple of minutes.
If you never ask, he'll never help - behave more like an Israeli!
;)
That's the whole point. How can you ask a professional anything to borrow the tools of his trade so that you can do the job yourself? That would be chutzpah. And what if I broke it?
DeleteOh dear, I would also do as asked and inwardly resent it - as when a woman with two items kept asking if she could skip the queue in Lidl today (I only had 8 items) - eventually I gave in not very graciously!
ReplyDeleteMostly I don't resent it at all. Which is why I'm ok with asking for a similar small favour. It's just that this is asking him to do what he does for a living - even though it's 2 minutes of work.
DeleteI would always pay - either money or in kind hence through what I do for a living - for any amount of work done by a professional (so what if it's 2 minutes - it still has a price (60 minutes in 1 hour etc) that can be calculated and added on a next time if it's too little to receive now/he refuses to take it). The way I see it is that if they do that for a living, then whenever they do it (and regardless how small the job is) it's a. work for them b. done better/faster than if done by someone else. In this particular case I'd basically count as neighbourly favour the fact that he would take on such a small job when it's needed and otherwise as usual work the actual screwdriver job. Same with you explaining English to someone - I don't think you should do it for free even if it takes you only 15 or only 20 minutes.
ReplyDeleteThis is of course just my opinion and I'm just a random voice from the Internet, might not count for much.
I agree with you when it comes to paying someone for their services but I'd probably by too embarrassed to ask for payment if someone wanted a short(ish) explanation of English grammar. I actually do give loads away in referrals, recommendations, and information whereas there are people who never do anything for anyone without expecting a cut. I don't want to be like that but I also don't want to be taken for granted. Like I said it's a fine line.
DeleteYou're right it's an ethical minefield, however as a business request that you are willing to pay for you've passed on the decision and say "so how much do I owe you" he has the right to then refuse payment as "it only took a minute" making him feel good and you not feel bad, which I find so much easier than when my Hubby does favours for family, friends and neighbours (and he does lots of favours) and always refuses any payment and then they inevitably buy him thank you beers but he rarely drinks at home lol! Of course if your professional neighbour charges you in full then you pay up and definitely don't ask again, because that's chutzpah ;-)
ReplyDeleteYes but he could legally ask me to pay 180 shekels for 2 minutes of work as he has previously explained the terms to me. I wouldn't risk that.
DeleteThat is awkward, but handy to have someone useful like that, that you know is reliable for bigger jobs.
ReplyDeleteI've think you've hit the nail on the head Jacqueline. #prizecomment
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