A piece of parchment paper came home from school with a note asking me to write a blessing for my daughter for her Torah (Bible) Party. My first thought for a blessing was: hamotse lechem min ha'aretz. That's a joke, it's the blessing we say before eating bread.
The problem was that I missed the meeting where most of the parents wrote their blessings and handed them in straight away. I didn't know if it was to be stuck into a Bible to be presented to the children, made into a bookmark, or displayed on the wall. I didn't know which way round the parchment should go (portrait or landscape) so I wrote my piece twice - once on each side in the two different layouts.
Actually that was wasn't the biggest problem. The biggest problem was what to write. I wanted something meaningful and to do with the Torah. Maybe a quote from it or an inspiring quote about how the Torah can be your guide for life, etc... And, of course I was going to write in Hebrew as DD's schooling is in Hebrew and it's the Torah, for Goodness sakes. Of course it should be in Hebrew.
As DD had handed me this thing just as Shabbat came in, it was too late to have the discussion about what to write on facebook. I looked for some quotes online but, funnily enough, they are all written in the masculine form. Well I object to that.
I didn't just object, but it brought up a whole load of memories of being denied the chance to read from the Torah on my Bat Mitzva like the boys get to do on their Bar Mitzva. Of being relegated to the Ladies' Gallery in the synagogue where we were not a part of the service at all. I used to sing as loudly as possibly to make myself heard but no one really cared.
On my Bat Mitzva, a joint ceremony of seven girls on a Sunday afternoon, we weren't even allowed to stand on the raised platform from where the Torah is read. We had to stop on the second step. We were allowed to read some psalms in Hebrew and the prayer for the Royal Family and another prayer for the State of Israel in English. We were not permitted to utter any words of Torah in Hebrew or English.
Looking back on it now I'm angry in a way it didn't even occur to me to be angry back then. I accepted it all and more. But with my adult head on now, they spoilt it for me. Later when I actually read more of the Torah, with a more feminist head, I felt alienated from this history of the men of Israel.
So what do I tell my daughter? How can I tell her to love the Torah when I don't love it. When I don't think it's very relevant to her as a girl. Yes I know it holds the fundamental laws on which western civilization is based, and therefore it's not unimportant. I agree with don't kill, don't steal, don't covert, honour your parents, etc... Being kind to strangers, turning the other cheek, giving charity, and feeding your animals before you feed yourself are all hugely good and wise ways to conduct yourself. But what about the narrative. The story. Where are the women in all this roaming around the desert?
I could pull up my big girl's knickers and let it go. I could justify it as being true to history. The Bible stories are about an era when women did stay in the tent and were owned by their husbands. The problem is that we look to this book as a guidebook for life. And the commentaries throughout the ages were written by men, perpetuating the whole women as chattels issue.
I took advice from friends at lunch. They told me to forget trying to find a quote from the Torah, there's nothing in there for girls. They suggested a quote from English literature or poetry. Something personal. So this is what I wrote:
To Adiele Hanna Luisa Selby (My Adieli-Weli-Wooshwoosh)
"Everyone has good news inside her, The good news is that you don't know how great you can be." - Anne Frank
God bless you and make you a good big girl
"You see I love you more each day. Today more than yeterday and less than tomorrow." - Rosamonde Gerard.
I have no idea what anyone else wrote. Possibly I wrote too much, They might not like it that I wrote in English. Oh well, this is my blessing.
The problem was that I missed the meeting where most of the parents wrote their blessings and handed them in straight away. I didn't know if it was to be stuck into a Bible to be presented to the children, made into a bookmark, or displayed on the wall. I didn't know which way round the parchment should go (portrait or landscape) so I wrote my piece twice - once on each side in the two different layouts.
Actually that was wasn't the biggest problem. The biggest problem was what to write. I wanted something meaningful and to do with the Torah. Maybe a quote from it or an inspiring quote about how the Torah can be your guide for life, etc... And, of course I was going to write in Hebrew as DD's schooling is in Hebrew and it's the Torah, for Goodness sakes. Of course it should be in Hebrew.
As DD had handed me this thing just as Shabbat came in, it was too late to have the discussion about what to write on facebook. I looked for some quotes online but, funnily enough, they are all written in the masculine form. Well I object to that.
I didn't just object, but it brought up a whole load of memories of being denied the chance to read from the Torah on my Bat Mitzva like the boys get to do on their Bar Mitzva. Of being relegated to the Ladies' Gallery in the synagogue where we were not a part of the service at all. I used to sing as loudly as possibly to make myself heard but no one really cared.
On my Bat Mitzva, a joint ceremony of seven girls on a Sunday afternoon, we weren't even allowed to stand on the raised platform from where the Torah is read. We had to stop on the second step. We were allowed to read some psalms in Hebrew and the prayer for the Royal Family and another prayer for the State of Israel in English. We were not permitted to utter any words of Torah in Hebrew or English.
Looking back on it now I'm angry in a way it didn't even occur to me to be angry back then. I accepted it all and more. But with my adult head on now, they spoilt it for me. Later when I actually read more of the Torah, with a more feminist head, I felt alienated from this history of the men of Israel.
So what do I tell my daughter? How can I tell her to love the Torah when I don't love it. When I don't think it's very relevant to her as a girl. Yes I know it holds the fundamental laws on which western civilization is based, and therefore it's not unimportant. I agree with don't kill, don't steal, don't covert, honour your parents, etc... Being kind to strangers, turning the other cheek, giving charity, and feeding your animals before you feed yourself are all hugely good and wise ways to conduct yourself. But what about the narrative. The story. Where are the women in all this roaming around the desert?
I could pull up my big girl's knickers and let it go. I could justify it as being true to history. The Bible stories are about an era when women did stay in the tent and were owned by their husbands. The problem is that we look to this book as a guidebook for life. And the commentaries throughout the ages were written by men, perpetuating the whole women as chattels issue.
I took advice from friends at lunch. They told me to forget trying to find a quote from the Torah, there's nothing in there for girls. They suggested a quote from English literature or poetry. Something personal. So this is what I wrote:
To Adiele Hanna Luisa Selby (My Adieli-Weli-Wooshwoosh)
"Everyone has good news inside her, The good news is that you don't know how great you can be." - Anne Frank
God bless you and make you a good big girl
"You see I love you more each day. Today more than yeterday and less than tomorrow." - Rosamonde Gerard.
I have no idea what anyone else wrote. Possibly I wrote too much, They might not like it that I wrote in English. Oh well, this is my blessing.
From Margie in Toronto - it is your blessing for your daughter - whatever words resonate with you are the perfect ones.
ReplyDeleteThanks Margie. There's quite a lot of pressure not to be too different and as we are starting off different from the get-go, and I'm a bit of a rebel (confident older mother), I sometimes have to reign myself in.
DeleteHi Rachel,
ReplyDeleteAs Anonymous above wrote, your blessing is your blessing and that's what important - I like both your quotes.
On a practical level, I'm not sure that I'd have written on both sides - if they roll it up like a scroll, there'll be writing on the outside!!!
And btw, there are (a few) strong women in the Bible. Funnily enough, not long ago I created an educational programme for a secular, feminist girls' high school which included women in the Bible as strong role models!!!
I never thought of that Sherrie - about the scroll. DD gave it to her teacher and she saw two lolly sticks stuck to it later - seems like she's making sme sort of 'hagba' type torah scroll. Anyway, whatever, it's only one party. I'd love to hear more about your educational programme.
DeleteI usually wrote in English for such things since they are personal and that is the language of communication between me and my kids (I also hated the idea I might make a mistake).
ReplyDeleteYour spoilt memories of your bat mitzva are very similar to mine though I do remember at the time feeling that at least this was important enough for me to go to a different shul for my classes and ceremony (our shul didn't do anything to mark bat mitzvot).
Oh good, if you wrote in English I'm ok with writing in English too, Good justification. :)
DeleteI feel your pain...... I hate these things.. find out what it is for.. I once scribbled something quickly in English only to find it on the wall in a display. Ooops. If you search you can find some memorable Biblical women heroines. Shame you have to search so hard.
ReplyDeleteI wrote it neatly as I thought it would be stuck in the book. Turns out she's making some sort of display with them. There are certainly Biblical women heroes but are the stories in thebible or are they midrash? I need to read my Bible again.
DeleteHope you don't mind a male drooping by...As you say, Rachel, it was written in very different times. However, there we certainly female characters in the Torah who are independent and strong. And Janice, you don't have to search for them very hard. Sarah, Rebecca, Leah and Rachel are definitely not shrinking violets. Miriam wasn't a pushover neither. All of them get criticism but then so do Moses, Aaron and others. I agree, when it comes to later biblical history there is a dearth of women but nach is much more historical in its raison d'être than the Torah.
ReplyDeleteAs far as your general point, Rach, I think things have moved on a bit in your average United Synagogue (UK) since the seventies although the mechitza etc. and solely male services do remain.
Very happy you dropped by Adam S (Adam Sterrie?). I need to read my Bible again - I actuallu can't remember how much of the narrative actually includes these women and how much of it we know from commentaries (midrash). And yes thisngs have moved on the US - only because of a strong women's movement for change which in the end they could not ignore. Sadly it came too late for me and I lost interest. Interestingly, there are more moves towards egalitarian services in Israel among the modern orthodox and several shuls are very popular because of this.
ReplyDeleteAdam Saville?
DeleteNope ;-)
ReplyDeleteOh Schogger, I can't believe I didn't think of you. :)
DeleteAbout women in Judaism, two things:
ReplyDelete1. 2000 years ago it was a terrific thing to be a Jewish woman! Jewish women had rights - they could own property (even if it didn't happen often); they were not allowed to be treated as slaves (and in addition, if the husband could afford it, he had to get her someone to clean/cook); he was instructed to honor his wife; if he didn't want to be married anymore, he had to give her a get and money to live off of; if he had kids with her, he had to support her and her kids until they were married or until she was remarried; if a woman wasn't happy with how her husband was treating her, she could take him to court, and the court would beat him; if she wanted a divorce and he refused, the court could and would beat him; in any case where one witness is acceptable, a woman is also acceptable. And many, many other cases . . . then you have Bruria, who was the biggest scholar of her time, greater than her husband and all the rest; you have Avraham, who disagreed with his wife but was told to send away his other son just because she said so and she knew better than him . . . women were allowed to do work in whatever they wanted, and if you had a female slave (because her father sold her into slavery) it was a mitzva of the highest standard to marry her to your son.
Basically, today's feminism is based off of the Torah.
True, today we don't see it so well, probably because we have much of it in secular culture, and we have put an emphasis on public things, like reading from the Torah. But that doesn't mean that Torah doesn't have a place for women.
Thank you for this. A very interesting perspective. You've made me think. Seriously, what you say is more relevant to me now that I have stepped back from the more public parts of religion - the synagogue for example which we no longer frequent.
DeleteWell, I can't get involved in the religious part but I do like what you chose for here, it has meaning. And I adore your pet name for her! xx
ReplyDeleteI'm sure it will come back to embarrass her in the future. :)
DeleteI really love the insight you give into your life and your experiences. Thank you for sharing them with us and I'm so glad I discovered your blog.
ReplyDeleteI'm enjying your blog too. I am in total awe of how you manage to bring up 13 children, run a business and study. And I'm honoured that you took the time to comment on my blog. Thank you.
DeleteI think when we are young we accept things as they are, including the role of women in society and history that is presented to us: so I love the gentle way that you have given your daughter the opportunity to question that narrative. I think that bringing children up to ask questions is one of the most important things we can do as parents.
ReplyDeleteI also think the world has changed sonce then. My mother was definitely aware of the injustice of it (and the stupidity) but not confident enough to have us walk away from it. I don't mean to leave the community or make trouble but to maybe have our own ceremony at home or somewhere else. Or mark the occasion completely differetnly. Nowadays even modern orthodox families get creative and find ways to make the event as meaningful as it is for boys. Girls are now allowed to read from the Tora or they do charity projects or go travelling, or whatever they want. It's a different world.
ReplyDeleteIt sounds like a perfect and encouraging blessing to me and good for you writing something else if you could not be true to yourself in writing something from the Torah. I've never read the Torah but I believe it is similar to what I would know as the Old Testament and yes as a woman I'm very glad I don't have to live by that. Mich x
ReplyDeleteThe Torah is the Old Testament - or The 5 Books of Moses: Genesis, Exodus, leviticus, Numbers, and Dueteronomy. It's the exact same so you probably do live by it in fact. Also much of the New Testament is a repeat of ideas in the Old.
Delete