Women Getting On With It - International Women's Day

Two of my favourite women in training.

R2BC will have to wait until tomorrow as today is International Women's Day. My cousin, Doreen Samuels, a women's activist, innovator, and initiator in Education and Interfaith work, issued the following challenge on facebook. That we should write about a woman who inspires us on International Women's Day. As the challenge didn't require any sports equipment, I readily accepted.

Since accepting the challenge I've been wracking my brain trying to think of someone to write about. It's not that I don't know any inspirational women, it's that I know so many. I have friends who are experts in their fields and friends who run charities and friends who work in government and friends who are doctors for the sick and lawyers for the poor. They are all inspirational women and we tell them so. They all chose their inspirational work and we are grateful that they did.

Then there are inspirational women who did not choose to be inspirational. I have a friend who is battling serious cancer whilst holding down a full-time job and holding it all together for her young children in between chemo treatments. Believe me, we would all rather she didn't have to be so inspirational even while we admire her courage, her strength and her determination.

I have a friend who is a single mother with a severely disabled daughter and another child with autism. I have more than one friend who adopted children with neurological and behavioral problems like Fetal Alcohol Syndrome, attachment disorder, ADHD, autism, and any number of other challenges that they didn't know about before the adoption. And other friends with disabled children. All of them endlessly caring and advocating for their beloved children with little thanks and little help. One friend in particular started a major organisation to include disabled and abled children in joint social activities. It's called Shutaf, take a look. She is a true inspiration.

I have a friend who lost her husband when their children were young and she brought up five children on her own, through the traumas of a sick father, the death of their father, and continuing to live without him. And every one of those children is a wonderful young adult. She is an inspirational woman.

I have friends who escaped from abusive marriages and started over with very little. Their courage is inspirational.

All these women inspire me and others. People say to them all the time, "you are amazing." And they answer, "what choice did I/do I have?"

And it doesn't end there. What about all the women nursing all sorts of trials and traumas in private that we know nothing about? Nobody even tells them they are amazing and still they carry on, putting family, children and jobs first. They just get on with it because there are bills to pay, children to love, educate, feed and clothe, a household to run, and a community to contribute to.

Women on their own who tirelessly give to society and to other people's children. Women with disabilities themselves or chronic illnesses who put on a brave face and carry on. All inspirations.

I sometimes watch "inspirational" videos on You Tube where female life coaches, expensively groomed and clothed and with million dollar teeth, tell you how you can have it all. You just have to get up and go for it. Sorry Honey, but the women that inspire me can't just get up and go for it because they have cancer or children with special needs or not enough money to step off the treadmill even for the time it takes to watch your dazzling white teeth dancing in front of the camera.

Not everyone can work in a corner office overlooking a Los Angeles marina. We need teachers for special education, we need nurses, we need social workers in deprived areas. (I know that men also do these jobs but today it's about the women.)

So Doreen, I'm writing to honour the inspirational women who just get on with it. The  millions of women without fame or fortune who stand by their families and responsibilities, who put themselves last and who do whatever it takes to keep the system working and to survive. I see them all the time around Jerusalem. I work with some of them. They are the backbone and the heart of society and they inspire me.

Why I Like International Women's Day

Today is International Women's Day. It's a celebration of how far women have come from preparing the pottage in the tent and washing the menfolk's feet to being full partners in running the world. And also a reminder to keep fighting for the right to be full partners and whatever it takes to achieve this - usually issues to do with pregnancy and childcare.

Candi at Looking For Blue Sky has written why she doesn't like International Women's Day. You can read her post HERE. She ends with the words:

"Don't get me wrong: I love my children more than life itself.  I just don't love the way that society views me now that I am a mother.  And until that changes, International Women's Day is pretty meaningless."

I started a comment in reply to Candi but my thoughts on this subject need their own space. So here they are.

Men don't need to fight for equality in the workplace. There is no cause, fight, or issue with men in the workplace. I don't think there is much of an issue either for women who don't have children. Except in religion (don't get me started), women who are free to devote as much time to their careers as men have pretty much arrived in the boardroom. 

The issues, therefore, are about childcare. There's also the care of elderly parents to some extent, so perhaps the issue is about the role of carer in any family. It doesn't matter which adult in the family is the carer - a mother, a father, a grandparent or a hired nanny/housekeeper. The point is that there needs to be a carer and that has traditionally, and obviously, been the woman. 

The facts of lower infant mortality, family planning, and washing machines free up the modern woman to the extent that she can go out to work and have a fulfilling career. If the family has alternative 'carer' arrangements there's no conflict. But modern medicine and technology don't negate the need for a designated carer in the family. By definition, the primary carer needs to be available for family stuff. 

I agree that girls should be educated as much as boys, for whatever role they choose as adults. And I believe they should have the choice. I agree that once a woman has chosen the career track and, if she has children, her family has an alternative carer, then she should have equal opportunities and remuneration at work. I agree we should celebrate that women have these choices when for so many centuries they did not.

I don't agree that society looks down on mothers. Who is this 'society'? Society is made up of many sub-groups and the one I would most like to identify with at this stage in my life - the homemakers, mothers, and carers' society - most certainly does not look down on me for being a mother. In fact, I used to feel looked down upon for not being a mother (before I was one) far more than I do now for having a job rather than running a department.

As a single mother this means I have given up on a lot of material things but I am not less, I am more for finding the joy in free entertainment and simple food. My place in society is not defined by my spending power. You can contribute plenty in non-monetary ways.

However, I would not say that society looks down on women without children. I would say that your personal vulnerability and ambition dictates how you see yourself in the eyes of 'society'. 

I never had big ambitions to conquer the world. I only ever wanted to be a mother and a homemaker. I have a circle of friends who enjoy and take pride in being the carers rather than the careers in their families. Most of them also work, many in high-powered careers but with the restrictions that go with being the family carer. And those of them who are lucky enough not to have to work for a salary, contribute loads by way of voluntary work and have much to be proud of. 

You can feel victimised in this role or you can relish it. It's not about how society views you, it's about how you view yourself. If a group of corporate big-wigs look down on you so what? Society isn't only those in the boardroom. Society is also the mothers, the teachers, the grandparents, the nurses, the shopkeepers, and the carers. 

International Women's Day isn't just about smashing the glass ceiling. We can also celebrate the power, for example, of the homemaker bloggers (mostly women) who have knocked the consumer world sideways with their online outreach and influence. We can celebrate women's business initiatives in the developing world that utilise the power of women to educate their children and raise their families out of poverty. I personally celebrate single mothers who have chosen to be included in the society of families even though they were not lucky enough find their life partner. 

I love being a woman in 2013 and this is why I celebrate International Women's Day.