My Other Two Daughters

I haven't done a 100 Word Challenge for ages but today's prompt instantly spoke to me. Go to Julia's Place for more interpretations of the photo below.

"When I'm big I can have a baby in my tummy." said DD. 

"Yes, then you'll be a mummy."

"Or a sister. Maybe I'll have a sister because I haven't got a sister? Oh, I want a sister."

There were two sisters. I think about them. They would've been 5 1/2 now. What would they be like? Would one of them be like DD? I would want one to be like DD because, had they lived beyond 21 1/2 weeks in utero, I would never have gone on to have DD.

In no case scenario could I have all my three girls.

Lost Souls

Tonight's 100 Word Challenge from Julia (at Julia's Place where you can see all the other entries) came with the prompt: 

...it can't be that time...

I immediately thought that it can't be that time heals. I didn't even know what I meant by that. Then I saw a call from a friend on fb, a friend who suffered greatly as I know many women do. I don't remember suffering to be honest, although there was a certain amount of shock. However, I answered the call.

Two chemical pregnancies passed pregnancy tests but never achieved a pulse. One with a pulse lasted seven weeks. 

My twin girls were lost at five months. I didn't mourn them. I didn't look back. If you never lived you never were. I wanted a take-home baby.

A friend named her two tiny unborns and buried them. Tonight another friend invited mothers to light a memorial candle for all the lost souls. 

It can't be that time heals when there wasn't any suffering. It could't get any easier than, "I moved on." But I do think about my twin daughters sometimes. Tonight I lit a candle.

This was the call:

IVF Reunion - A chain of love, friendship and hope

On Friday afternoon DD and I hosted our IVF friends for lunch. The excuse was that they didn't get to celebrate DD's birthday two months ago as we went to London. Then DD had her birthday at the nursery one month later so we were really done for this year. However, the real celebration is that S could came with her eight-week-old son, O. For that, it was worth having another birthday party.

We were five mothers and five children, ranging in age from three years to two months. That means we have waited three years and nine months for all of us to have successfully brought home a baby. And, strangely enough, after five long journeys and many disappointments along the way, each of us came home with the exact baby she wanted.

It all began when I met N whilst trying to get pregnant. We both succeeded but, sadly, after a difficult first trimester, I miscarried at 22 weeks. I followed N's continuing pregnancy with hope and excitement. Her success was vital to prove that IVF does work for us. My involvement with N helped me regard my situation as a big, disappointing and frustrating delay. It was not the end, just a setback.

During a subsequent attempt, I hooked up with S and R. On that cycle both S and I became pregnant. For me, one year later, this was a totally different pregnancy experience. The numbers were high, the signs were strong and there were no complications. S lost her baby at 19 weeks. She clung on to the fact that I had experienced the same tragedy only one year earlier and here I was, with a healthy pregnancy. And she didn't give up.

Meanwhile, by the time I gave birth to DD, R was three months pregnant. And another R, who had joined our unofficial family of mutual support and encouragement, was two months into her pregnancy. And S was still trying.

At DD's first birthday party S took the group photo of mothers and babies as she didn't feel the need to be in it. By the next first birthday - a picnic in the park - she was already pregnant, but didn't tell. I don't know how she managed not to say anything. I knew and I nearly gave it away twice.

Finally our little group is complete. I can't post the photo but I assure you that it is one that radiates pure joy. And DD thinks that she gets a birthday party, with presents, once a month.