A Woman In Her Forties

That's me, a woman in her 40s. I'm trying to savour the moments which is quite hard with a 3yo who won't go to sleep and keeps calling out very important questions from the next room. In just over three hours time I'll be a woman in her 50s. It doesn't matter how much I savour and dwell on being 49, it's going to pass and there's nothing I can do about it.

So what? It's just a number? True, but it's a significant one. There's a bigger difference between being in your 40s and in your 50s than there is between 20s, 30s and 40s I think. Twenties to 40s are all getting married, building families, establishing careers (some earlier some later). In your fifties you are not having any more babies (not that I wanted to), you are a mere 10 years away from the retirement 60s (even though the age of retirement will be 67 by the time I get there), most of your friends are organising weddings for their children and becoming grandparents (which is a good thing). You see how I've contradicted every moan about the 50s? So what is it that is so heavy about tonight?

I'm probably more than half way through my life. I'm not old but I am no longer a young woman with my whole life stretching out before me full of endless possibilities. On the other hand I have far more now than I did when I turned 40.

My daughter has fallen asleep finally in her own bed in our own home. I have work to do because my career as a teacher requires work at home, as do most careers. And when I'm turning 70 I'll probably look back on this night with amusement and wistfulness.

Generally I like the zero years. The nines are tough - 29, 39, 49 - because I feel the pressure to achieve everything I ever aspired to before my decade is out. Twenty and 30 had big fat zeroes at the end of the number like a clean slate. Ten years ahead of me to do it all. Forty was harder because it was the beginning of the end of 'young enough' adulthood and I hadn't yet done very much of 'it all.' I'm hoping 50 will bring the zero effect with it once more. I won't know until tomorrow morning whether it will or not - I'll let you know.

Dammit, I'm a young mother! I don't feel middle aged!

Goodnight,
Rachel (aged 49 364.9/365)

50 Days Part 3 - A Style Makeover

In 50 Days To Change My Life Part 1, I showed you what I didn't want to look like on my 50th Birthday in 50 days time (including pictures of one of the offensive tshirts). In Part 2 - Fad Diets, I told you how I was going to tackle the weight loss thing. The weight loss thing, due to my doing it so sensibly (i.e. slowly), is beginning to be very frustrating. I could see that familiar giving up point on the near horizon. Something had to change now! I needed instant gratification and a boost to my morale. So obviously I went shopping.

I've hardly bought any clothes in the past five years because I was always waiting to get back into the smaller sizes I have in my wardrobe. My sister once advised me to buy nice clothes in the bigger sizes so that you at least feel good about yourself (and have things to wear) while you work on getting slimmer. Good advice. I ignored it - waste of money.

The clothes I have bought over the past few years are mostly giant tshirts in the summer sales to cover up giant me. I remember, about 25 years ago, I bumped into a sophisticated and glamourous friend in the supermarket. I wasn't too badly dressed. I had on a black skirt and a big salmon coloured cotton sweater. However, my coat was bright green. Salmon and green!?! I told a (male) friend on the phone, how shlumperdiken I felt with my bright green coat on and I will always remember his answer. "The point is not that you accidently wore the bright green coat with the salmon jumper. The point is that SHE wouldn't even own a salmon jumper or a bright green coat. Get rid of them both!"

I feel this way about tshirts. I once met a friend in the restaurant at the Cinemateque. You can't get more sophisticated in Jerusalem than the restaurant at the Cinemateque. (I once sat on the next table to Debra Winger and two tables away from Phyllida Law.) I was wearing, among other things, a tshirt. It was not sophisticated. She was not wearing a tshirt. It occured to me that this friend doesn't even own any tshirts. I vowed never to wear a tshirt again. Have you noticed how I'm not very good at keeping vows?

But now that I'm desperate, with only 34 days to go until the big 5-0, I decided not to wait for the elusive size Y (mind your own business), ditch the tshirts and go shopping for floaty, feminine, sophisticated and glamourous togs. As usual I ended up in my favourite shop - Hagara - and bought two summer dresses. For someone who's been living in jeans/leggings and tshirts for the past ages, this was a big step.

Here's a little detail of the red one like they show in the fashion magazines.

When it gets cooler (and for religious occasions where more modesty is required) you can pair both dresses up with cotton cardigans and/or leggings.

I thought of getting my hair cut but it's actually cooler in this heat to be able to scrape it all back and put it up. And that doesn't look wholly unsophisticated.

Next job: gather all those tshirts together and chuck them out!

50 Days Part 4 - Happiness Shows
I'm linking this post to Inner Truth over at Liska's New Mum Online.

How Old Is Old?

A few weeks ago Natasha from The 1970s Diet and I had an exchange of tweets about when one is considered to be old. It started with her saying that her 63 year old mum doesn't think that 70 is old. My response to that was something along the lines of - if she doesn't feel herself to be old then she's not old. After a bit more of a discussion we agreed to each write our thoughts on what 'old' means and to post them simultaneously with links to each other.

Before I give my opinion I'll tell you three very short, true stories.

1. When I was 8 and my brother was 5, he brought home a friend from school to play. When the boy's mother collected him she said that she loves it when he gets to play with children his own age as he only has a half-sister at home who is 12 and more like an aunty to him than a sister. As I said, I was 8 and I remember thinking: WOW 12, that's so old!

2. A few months ago I walking in the street with a much younger mother from DD's nursery and a friend from years ago passed us. We said a quick, 'hellohowareyou' and continued walking. I was actually shocked by how old my friend looked. I said to the friend I was walking with, 'would you believe that woman was in the same school year as me?' She was also shocked.

3. At her retirement party, a teacher I used to work with told me, 'I don't feel old inside. Inside I feel the same way I felt when I was 30 ro 40. They don't tell you this but all my friends feel the same.'

So what could we conclude from these anecdotes?

From number 1, that age is relative. A 20 year old thinks a 50 year old is older than a 45 year old thinks about the same person. But a 70 year old would consider the 50 year old to be young.

From number 2, we all age at different rates and it has little to do with our number of years. The woman we met was probably tired (she has five children), she had not dressed to her best advantage, she was not wearing any make-up and is naturally pale, and who knows what other factors were acting that day to make her look years older than me.

And from number 3, which is my favourite story, that whatever your age and however you look, you still feel young on the inside (until you don't). Yes of course there is a time when (hopefully - because it's better than the alternative) you will become old. But who is to say when that time is? I know people who were old at 20 and I know spritely 80 year olds.

As I get nearer to 50 I'm aware that I don't dress in the same way a 20 year old dresses. I wouldn't want to as I'd now prefer to be sophisticated and elegant than fun and frivolous. (And in minus about 20kg I will be sophisticated and elegant :~D. ) I can no longer do the gymnastics I did as a 14 year old but I know a sports teacher in her 40s who can. My tastes in entertainment have changed to quieter venues with fewer people and deeper conversation but that in no way diminishes the fun I expect to have.

On the other hand, I am a 'young' mother with a 3yo in nursery school. The other parents I mix with are between 5 and 25 years younger than me. I don't feel it. They are all very friendly and we have fun in the park after school and at the nursery parties and picnics. We have been invited to lunch and play on weekends and if the other children's Grandma is there, she's sometimes nearer my age than the parents. No one cares. It's not even a matter for comment.

What do you think? Is there a definitive age that is 'old' or is becoming old an individual experience and not totally dependent on your number of years?

*All pictures from Google Images

Fighting Back Against Winter

I marched into 2012 with with determination and vigour. I had it all sussed out. The year I turned 50 was going to be the best yet. The year I made everything happen - financially, physically, socially, you name it. I was half way through January and blogging every day. I had so much to say and so many memes on the go, I was almost tempted to post more than one a day. Almost - it didn't feel right even with drafts backing up and ready to go. I had plans guided by Kate at the Five Fs Blog as part of the LifeCircle programme. I was losing weight with Liska at New Mum Online through the MUMenTUM group. I was invincible. I was so sure of myself. I was too sure of myself. I was heading for a fall.

Three weeks into January winter attacked in the form of a bad cold, sinusitus and a hacking cough. It could have been flu but there was no fever involved so I think it was the cold. Everything fell apart. I took DD to nursery every day and came home and slept. I cancelled so many lessons and neglected work on the computer that I lost about 1/4 of my expected income for the month. The house went to pot. I ran out of kitchenware, all types, as everything ended up in and around the sink awaiting the washing up that I just couldn't face. DD was getting an apple, a lump of cheese, a yogurt and crisps for supper. Except for the evenings when she chose the other option - a peanutbutter and jam sandwich. I almost made it to the end of the month with  my daily posts but on Saturday 28th January I made the decision to go to bed with DD at 7.30pm rather than blog. It was a surprisingly liberating decision which I don't regret and I finished the month with a 30/31.

After flaking out for two weeks, I gradually re-entered the land of the living. And 'surprise!' I still had that 2012 optimism going on. I did the washing up, tidied the house, put in some extra hours on the computer. And now I'm catching up on a couple of the blog posts I let slip. I'm fighting back against winter.

MUMenTUM. Being sick was great for losing weight. I lost almost 10lbs in January along with my appetite. Then, as I started to get better, I lost nothing during the first week of February. And I've stayed the same this week aswell. Now I'm desperately trying to eat very little today so that I can at least report a loss on Monday. You can go to Liska's to read how the others are doing.

LifeCircle 5. In which we were supposed to report on the SMART tasks chosen in LifeCircle 3: Taking Action.

1. I committed to meal planning for the next two weeks in order to save time and money. DD has breakfast and her main meal (meat, greens and potatoes or rice) at nursery so the picnic suppers she ended up having didn't send her spiralling towards malnutrition. I certainly saved time and money, especially as I wasn't eating. However, the meal plans were forgotten.

2. I committed to getting up at 6.30 every day in order to get DD to nursery an hour earlier. This gives me an extra work hour in the morning and DD goes to sleep earlier in the evening, giving me more evening time as well. I pushed myself to get us out of bed by 8.30 and had a mad rush every morning to get DD to nursery in time for breakfast at 9.15. As I was sick, I'm giving myself an extension and we'll be trying this one again over the next two weeks.

3. I committed to not wasting work-time by blogging only in the evenings. Not difficult as I was sleeping all day. So I blogged in the evenings until, burnt out by my January marathon posting and still feeling s**t, in February I practically gave up blogging altogether for the first 10 days.

4. I committed to joining three employment websites to try to find more work. Obviously I didn't do this and I didn't even follow up leads that friends who are on these websites, sent me. I'm updating my CV and sending it somewhere this week. I'm not sure about the websites anymore as I seem to have enough work to fill the time available even if it doesn't bring in enough money to pay the bills. I need more time to think about this one.

You can go to Kate's to read how the other LifeCirclers did.

So there you have it. I jaunted into the New Year, winter attacked, I was out for a while, then I fought back, and now I'm back in the running. Midlife 1 : Winter 0   :~)