My Science Project Homework

Here's an update to yesterday's post about the science project. I overreacted. Being creatively challenged, I could only imagine a wooden bird feeder like you buy in a garden centre. After posting my open letter to the science teacher a number of sensible friends pointed out that it's not a carpentry project. They put me in the direction of a much simpler affair involving egg boxes, milk cartons, empty toilet rolls, etc... Oh. Well this is my first child.

So I quickly finished a whole packet of crackers with copious amounts of butter and Marmite. I rescued the plastic tray which is the perfect size for a bird bath for the little tiny gray/brown birds that we have no idea what they're called. I found a shoe box and took the lid. I stuck the bath to the box tray with sellotape. I attached gift-wrapping ribbon and hung it from one of those back of the door hooks. Sorted.

DD wasn't remotely interested in helping me. I did it all by myself. However, I could hear the relief in her voice as she shrugged her shoulders and remained silent.

So Dear 4th Grade Science Teacher, 

I completed my homework assignment. No effort went into making it at all. I did not enjoy making the bird feeder. It was an exercise in making my child feel comfortable to go to school and face you. 

Having completed the assignment, I would like to point out a few features incorporated into the design. I tried to consider all aspects of the birds' lives - social, physical, and emotional welfare as well as their cognitive development. 

1. The plastic tray in the centre is a bath as well as a drinking well. Playing in water not only cleans the birds so that they are less likely to leave footprints on your clean laundry hanging out to dry, but it also gives them confidence in water. This is especially important if they have to land over the English Channel on their way back to the UK for the summer.

2. Place seeds and nuts on either side of the water bath. Please don't give them any sugary treats as this is not good for their beaks. In time the birds will learn that if one of them sits on one side of the tray, the whole thing tips over. They will use this knowledge to devise a system of pair-work, whereby two birds of similar mass balance each other on either side of the bath. Maths is the basis of all science you know.  

3. The ribbon and hook allow the feeding tray to sway in the breeze. This helps to develop the birds' sense of balance. The brighter birds might even learn to use it as a swing thereby strengthening their little muscles and improving co-ordination.

4. I didn't decorate the tray in bright colours on purpose. Rather we want the birds to rely on word of mouth in order to find it. Social skills are essential for little birds about to embark on a long journey. Learning to be part of the flock - giving as well as receiving help from each other - could be the very thing to keep them away from the TVs in the electrical shop windows. You know how too much screen time is destroying communication. 

Please could you give my grade to DD to pass on to me when she gets home. 

Thank you
Rachel (DD's Mother)

When Fairies Let Themselves Go

When we were in Hamleys in London we saw, in the dinosaur department, large eggs about 15 cm high and 8 cm across. Obviously they were dinosaur eggs but, in a large container with no packaging or labels, we had no idea what they did or what you were supposed to do with them.

A week later we were back in Israel and were invited to friends for the last day of Pesach - which happened to be Easter Sunday. This was a funny coincidence because my friend had bought and wrapped small gifts for each of the children and hidden them around the house for them to find. I'd like to say it was hours of entertainment but she lives in small flat so five minutes later they each came back with an egg. That was the funny coincidence - quite by chance my Jewish daughter went on an Easter Egg hunt in Israel on Pesach.

Here she is on the box, So beautiful!

This time the eggs came in a box. DD's box promised us a beautiful Tinkerbell Fairy that we could hatch in three days and then that she would grow to her full size in a week. How exciting! The egg went straight into a bowl of water as soon as we got home.

DD rushed to check on it every few hours and soon (with a little help from us, I admit) the egg began to crack and we could see the beginnings of a baby fairy emerging from the shell.

Over the next seven days we watched her float out from the discarded shell and begin to blossom like a delicate flower balloon to the size of the Titanic. I don't know, maybe we fed her too much?

Here it is in pictures.

At this point we changed her name from Tinkerbell Fairy to Gudrun-Hildegard. Somehow it seemed more fitting. A lot of her size was down to was bloating and water retention  however. After a week in the healthy outdoors and sunshine, tending the plants, etc... she did slim down a bit and now looks heaps better.

Though not living up to her initial promise, I mean she doesn't fly or sparkle or anything and her wings don't actually open. And she still has the legs of a German peasant. Anyhoo, she has found some peace on the balcony amongst nature. I employ her on a zero hours contract as a scarecrow.  So far it's all working out really well. She seems happy enough.

There's Always One...

Can you spot the snail?

A week ago I gave my students an English test. We worked on the material beforehand, I made sure they really really knew it. I designed the test so that they would pass.

It was a comprehension test with a text about the life of Henrietta Szold. There were 20 vocabulary words to translate into Hebrew. Then there were 13 questions to answer about the text.

As with all tests, you have to assign points to each answer. The easiest way to do this is to, if possible, have all the points adding up to 100 so that you don't have  to do that percentage calculation at the end of each paper. I gave 20 points for the vocabulary - one point for each word, and 6 points for each of the other 13 questions - 78 points. This gave me 20 + 78 = 98 points in total.

Here it is.

What should I do about the missing two points? Simple. Rather than playing around with the maths and giving fractions (or decimals) of points for some questions, I decided to award the last two points for writing their name,

A couple of questions were, 'in your opinion' questions so there was a lot of leeway for getting it right. There is no right for someone's opinion but the answer does have to be relevant and not too silly. ('Silly' is defined at my discretion.)

Everyone got all the questions correct. (One student was away so she has to make up the test.) So that's 100% across the board, right? Except that one student didn't write her name.

I nearly gave her 98%. I very really nearly did. But in the end I awarded those two points to two other questions that possibly required greater thought and a more detailed answer.

There's always one, isn't there?

Reasons 2B Cheerful - Midsummer Madness

1
IKEA is coming to Jerusalem. The Jerusalem branch will be open within two years according to the news report. Apparently they already have a site but they're not saying where it is because people like me might start queuing now to be the first one in.

This takes a whole lot of pressure off me. All my old sheets and towels, my mattress, other items big and small that I want to buy or replace, can definitely wait two more years.


And here are two stories I heard today which put everything in perspective....

2
A friend recently returned to live in America after 15 years in the Middle East. Her children are aged 7 to 14. One day whilst driving though lush and verdant countryside on the north-east coast, the kids started complaining. "I'm so fed up with all this green!" "Yeah, its all just green and more green!" etc...

I spend my life yearning for green but good to know that it's only a cultural thing and not an absolute.

3
Another American friend lives in Chicago. Someone asked her if her family are all in Chicago. "No," she replied. "but they're all close, only about 6 hours away."

LOL, my family are also 6 hours away from me in Jerusalem. I never realized London was so close. It sure feels good to be living so close to my folks again after all these years. :~)

Linking up with my friend and neighbour, Becky in the Lake District.

A Single Mother's Birthday

It started with this exchange:

Me: What nice thing shall we do to celebrate my birthday?

DD: Actually I think it's only for children.

And ended with this exchange:

Me: I'm not reading a story to someone who can't even wish me Happy Birthday.

DD: *big sigh* Happy Birthday Mummy can I have the dinosaur book?

In between was a series of mishaps and meltdowns one after the other. 

7am. Up, make 10 o'clock snack, shower, dress myself. Usual mad panic to get DD awake and cooperative enough for me to dress her. Bully and threaten her with no stories, no playing on my phone, no sugar things, etc... until she goes to the loo and drinks her apple juice. Eventually leave the house - she has a small bag of pretzels in her hand in lieu of breakfast (don't worry, packed lunches are eaten at 10am in school). Make it to school just as the bell is ringing. Class teacher has to prise DD's fingers off my dress to let me go. 

8.05am. Back home, make coffee, check twitter, blog, emails, facebook. Facebook is full of lovely messages wishing me a fabulous, wonderful, fun-filled, day. It hopes I'm spoiled and pampered and made to feel special on my special day. I put on a load of laundry and get to work preparing lessons for my college courses.

Work all day, occasionally check in to all the above forums. More pressure from facebook but it serves me right for going there. Make and eat a million rounds of cheese on toast to compensate for having an ordinary day on my birthday.

4.30pm. Pick up DD from school and, feeling the pressure from facebook, suggest we go out for ice-cream. She has a little drink from her water bottle and we go to the nearest cafe. (This is significant).

4.45pm. I don't even like ice-cream so I just ordered a celebratory coffee. Just instant because that's what I like. It cost 16nis (Over 3 pounds) for something I could have had free at home. 2 scoops of ice-cream cost 28nis (almost 5 pounds!) and of course DD had to also have a drink. Last time we go there (Cafe BeGeenah if you're interested). 

After we ordered and before it came I suggested we see what homework DD had. On opening her bag I realize I'd neglected to put her pencil case back inside when I'd removed it to get her water bottle out. It was sitting on a bench in school. DD promptly had a meltdown. I suggested we run and get it. She didn't want to, preferring to sit and scream about it. I kept thinking about all those coloured pencils and felt tip pens individually labelled with her name - hours of work to redo if we've lost her pencil case. 

5pm. The ice-cream came. It was served in a sundae glass and filled to the top. As DD put her spoon in the ice-cream dribbled out all over the top and ran down the outside onto the table. Meltdown 2. I went to the kitchen to get a bowl and paper napkins, I cleaned up the mess, I sat down. 

DD: I don't even like this ice-cream.

5.20pm. We leave the cafe 10 pounds poorer. I'm in a foul mood. I give myself the tip for cleaning the table.  

5.30pm. We get back to school and rattle the locked doors until the cleaner hears us and lets us in. We find the pencil case under the bench (where it had fallen which is why I didn't notice it when repacking the bag). This was the highlight of my day.

5.40pm. Get out DD's homework. There was quite a lot to do. For Hebrew she had to draw over the outlines of the aleph-bet and then go back to colour all the letters in. By the time she got to the colouring she'd had enough. I told her to leave it for a while and do some more after supper. 

DD: No you do it.

Me: I can't do your homework for you, it's not allowed. 

DD: Just do it! JUST DO IT FOR ME!

Me: Ok, I'll do a few letters. (It was a lot of busy work after all.)

I coloured in three letters and suddenly there was a howl of despair from DD. Apparently there was a pattern going on in the colours and I'd done the wrong colours. Meltdown 3. 

6pm. I go to make supper which is usually served at 6pm but because we'd been out it wasn't made yet. 

DD: Can I have suffink (sic) to keep me going? (I give her a packet of crisps.)

6.20pm. I serve supper. 

DD: Actually I'm not hungry. I'm full up from ice-cream and crisps. (Okey dokey.)

7.30pm. After the dinosaur book and a couple of other stories I left DD in bed and ended the evening on facebook reading about various people being whisked off to the Carmel Spa or at least taken out for a special dinner for their birthdays. They were all feeling the luuuurv. Oh good. Happy for them. Really. 

Happy Birthday to me and all single mothers everywhere! 

  

Cara Delevingne Was My Friend

Absolutely true. For a few weeks Cara Delevingne was my friend on fb. And she asked me, I didn't ask her. Up she popped one day requesting my friendship and I thought she was a woman in Jerusalem who belongs to one of the parenting groups I frequent. Obviously I accepted - she might be able to help me find a babysitter after all.

A few days later I was scrolling down the Daily Mail Online looking for some reading matter about how someone lost 200lbs in 3 minutes and now goes camping in all her loose skin, or such like, when I see the name Cara Delevingne. "Oh," I said to myself, "she's got a very similar name to that woman in Jerusalem."

I went to look as I couldn't quite remember that woman's exact name. Whoa. I found myself fully friended and therefore able to comment on a timeline where the previous status was from Georgia Jagger.

Some detective work was in order. I noticed that Cara and I have two mutual friends. I quickly messaged one of them - my friend Sharon. I can't remember who the other mutual friend is now.

Click on image to enlarge it. 

Sharon and I chatted for a while and I knew I had to blog about this. Meanwhile Cara popped up on my newsfeed a few times. I smiled but actually, I was far more interested in hearing how the new Supermarket in a local shopping mall is due to open in two weeks and that it's rumoured to be one of the cheaper chains. 

The next thing I know facebook is asking me if I want to friend Hugh Grant. Whoa again. I admit that grabbed my attention more than news about the supermarket opening. 

I let a week or so go by as I had to catch up on blogging about the summer holiday in various pursuits that are a million trillion miles from how Ms Delevigne spent her summer. Perhaps that's why she did it? 

Today I was ready to write this post and I went to see how Cara was doing first. OK, I just wanted to see if there were any more names I could drop, if I want to see how she's doing I'll go to the Daily Mail won't I? To my dismay I saw that facebook had directed me to her public page which I was 'invited' to follow. FOLLOW?! We were friends once yer know. 

At this point I started to think I may have imagined it all. I rushed to my messages to see if my conversation with Sharon was still there. It was. Phew, I knew it. Cara is a fickle friend. I wrote to Sharon immediately.

Click on image to enlarge it.

So if any of you bump into Cara Delevingne and she asks for my phone number, please don't pass it on. I'm not talking to her atm.

*With thanks to Netanya and Sarah for the lessons in Screen Shots.

Tuesday Tidbits 11

1
DD: Can we go to that place in London again?
Me: Yes we can go to London again.
DD: No! That place in London.
ME: What place?
DD: Where they had the princess dresses.
ME: (Kvelling) The Victoria and Albert Museum? You liked the museum?
DD: Not so much.
ME: So why do you want to go there again?
DD: I want to buy another one of those orange drinks.

(We bought her orange juice in the cafe when we stopped for a coffee.)

2
ME: Why are your dirty clothes on the floor?
DD: It wasn't me, I didn't didded that.
ME: You're supposed to put them in the dirty washing basket.
DD: I yes put them in.
ME: You didn't.
DD: I yes!

3

ME: It's your Hebrew birthday today.
DD: Am I 5?
ME: No, not for another three weeks.
DD: So what am I if it's my Hebrew birthday?
ME: You're bat hamesh.
DD: I'm bat hamesh but I'm not 5? Bat hamesh is 5!
ME: I know, but you're only 5 in Hebrew.

(The Hebrew calendar is lunar and is 11 days shorter than the English solar calendar. The adjustment is made by adding an extra month 7 times every 19 years. Thus we all have two birthdays which can be up to 3 weeks apart.)

Tuesday Tidbits 5

1
Friend: Do you have an air conditioner at your kindergarten?
DD: Nooooooo, we don't have baths at kindergarten.

2
DD (listening to her nursery rhymes cd): Mummy! Mummy! They're saying my name!
Nursery Rhymes CD: The farmer's in his den, ee-aye-adeeo the farmer's in his den.
DD: See!? Did you hear it? (singing) Ee-aye-Adiele the farmer's in his den.

3
DD: Look, the shower is like a paddling pool. Can I paddle in it?
Me (cleaning the bathroom and a bit frazzled): No, just let me clean in here. Please.
DD: It's not only your home you know. It's both our homes.

Tuesday Tidbits 4

1
On checking in at Ben Gurion Airport...
DD (anxiously): Where are our soup cases going?

2
DD: I've got hip cups again. All the time today I keep having hip cups.

3
Singing along to Mama Mia...
DD: Well I can dance with you honey, if you think it's funny, does your mother know the giraffe?

4
I crawled into bed with DD one night and felt a tap on my shoulder...
DD (whispering): Do you love me?
Me: Of course I love you. You're my little girl and I love you best in the whole world.
Me (whispering): Do you love me?
DD: Well not so very much.
Me: Why not?
DD: You're a little bit smelly.

5
On hearing Gangnam Style on the radio...
DD (doing her best PSY Gangnam Style dancing): Opa Grandma style! Opa Grandma style!

6
We shared a room while we were away. One night I was woken in the small hours by DD shouting: WHAT'S THAT NOISE AGAIN?
Me: What noise?
DD: Like this: khor khor khor khor.
Me: Oh sorry, that's me snoring.
DD: WELL WHY DO YOU KEEP DOING THAT ALL THE TIME? STOP IT! YOU'RE WAKING ME UP!

7
DD: I've got a little spoon and fork for children and you've got a big knife and fork for mummies and daddies.
Me: Mine are for grown ups. Not all grown ups are mummies and daddies. C is a man but he's not a daddy because he hasn't got any children. And H is a woman but she's not a mummy because she hasn't got any children.
DD: You're right.
Me: You're only a mummy or a daddy if you have children.
DD: You're right. And then you can have your big knife and fork because that's only for mummies and daddies.

Tuesday Tidbits 3

1
DD (waking up at 6am with the sun streaming in through the window): Mummy! I want to get up now!
Me: Not yet, it's too early.
DD: WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?! IT'S MORNING-TIME!




2
DD (after a whole load of sweets): One more toffee or no?
Me: No
DD: I didn't know, that's why I was asking.




3
Me (holding up two shirts): Which top do you want?
DD (chanting but not pointing): En-den-deeno, soffa-lakka-teeno, soffa-lakka-tikka-toe, elik-belik-bom,
Bom Bom Bom
Niftach et ha'albom (we'll open the album)
Sham tireh otee (there you'll see me)
Beyom huladetee (on my birthday)
Tee tee tee (me me me)
Ach-oh-tee (my sister)
Hamelech amar (the king says)
Tispor ad..... (count to....)
Kamah? (How much?)
ACHAD! (ONE)

She points to the orange shirt and shouts: "ACHAD! that one."

Tuesday Tidbits 2

1
DD: When there's lots of sunshine it's summer, you're right?
Me: You're right.
DD: Then it will be hot, you're right?
Me: You're right.
DD: And then we can have an ice-cream, you're right?
Me: You're right.
DD: Yes, you're right.

2
Babysitter: Close your eyes and go to sleep.
DD: I can't go to sleep, my eyes keep popping open.

3
DD: I'm hungry.
Me: You can have an apple.
DD: No I'm hungry for something else.
Me: A sandwich?
DD: No I'm just only hungry for some chocolate.

4
DD: Cold me.
Me: I'm cold, not cold me.
DD: No, you're not cold, cold me.
Me: I know, so you say I'm cold, not cold me.
DD: Why you keep saying that?
Me: Never mind.
DD: Cold me.
*Cold me is a direct translation from the Hebrew.

5
DD: Can I have that? (pointing to anything in any shop)
Me: No.
DD: When I'm bigger can I have that?
Me: When you're bigger.
DD: I am bigger....so can I have it? I'm already bigger.
Me: No.

6
DD: I want a big cuddle on your lap.
Me: Come on then..... Oooh I love you. You're my best girl in the world.
DD: You're my best girl in the world.

Tuesday Tidbits

1
Young pupil: Where's DD's daddy?
Me: She hasn't got one.
YS: Oh, you can do that?
Me: Yes.
YS: You can't have a boy though, right? Only a girl.
Me: Ask your parents how it works.

2
Me: DD who did this drawing on the wall?
DD: It wasn't me. No, it was my little children.
Me: I don't want to hear about your little children.
DD: I didn't do it! My little children did it.
Me: DD?
DD: Well some of them are very naughty.

3
Me: There are a lot of clouds. Do you think there's going to be another storm.
DD: No, God promised there won't be any more storms.

4
Me: Here's your supper.
DD: Yuk! I don't like THIS at all!

5
DD: What means an ogre?
Me: Shrek is an ogre.
DD: But what is it?
Me: Well, they're green and ugly and they live in a swamp.
DD: Oh how very a shame for them.

6
Me: Time for bed.
DD: I don't want to go to bed. I'm not tired.
Me: I'm sorry darling but it's time to go to bed.
DD: I'm sorry darling but no.

Listography: 5 Things I'd Like To Be reincarnated As

I so wasn't going to do this one. It's a bit silly isn't it, after all? So I went to bed after reading some of the other entries (all available for viewing at Kate Takes 5) and things kept popping into my mind just I was dozing off. Well you don't ignore your Blog when it calls you urgently in the middle of the night so up I got...

Five things I would like to be reincarnated as:


1. The twins - Hindsight and Insight. They work together. When Hindsight tells you what will happen if you follow a certain doomed direction, Insight tells you that even though the situation is slightly different this time Hindsight still knows what he's talking about. I'd never make a wrong decision, a dodgy investment, or a stupid move. I'd be made.

2. A juicer. I'd have to eat healthily then. I mean you can't juice a box of chocolates, a slice of cake or even a plate of chips.

3. A mermaid. Whereas in this life I just get on with it and sort out my own problems, there are those women - usually with flowing locks and floaty long skirts so you can't see their (lack of) legs - who in the face of a crisis, will stand in the centre of the room wittering, "how could I have been so silly...?" Meanwhile everyone (male and female) is rushing around trying to fix things for them, gathering whatever they need, seeing to their children, falling over themselves to make it all better for the (I'm convinced of it) mermaid. I want that.

4. A small bottle of water. Lets face it, they get taken everywhere these days. No celebrity, A-lister,  Royalty, or just plain billionaire, ever leaves home without their little bottle of water. Just think of the places I'd go and the people I'd meet. And then I'd 'spill' everything to Hello Magazine and retire comfortably on the pay-off.

5. Google Translate. I'd be able to read everything in almost every language in the world. I'd be highly sought after by diplomats, scholars and global businesses. It's true that no one will understand a word I say but you can't have everything.

Mummy Why Are You Going To Die?

As you can imagine, I was pretty shocked when DD came out with this question, especially as she said it with some urgency. Having gently introduced the concept of death a couple of weeks ago when it unexpectedly came up in one of our library books, I was quite pleased with the way I'd handled it.

I racked my brain to remember where I had gone wrong with my 'gentle' explanation. I started to think of possibilities. Did I say some stupid phrase like 'you'll be the death of me'? No. That's not one of the things I say.

Did I perhaps mention that everyone dies eventually? No. I was very careful to keep it to very very old people (yes, much older than Grandma). Whilst DD knows that she will grow up and be a grownup one day, I don't think she he has thought it through all the way to old age.

This week's 100 Word Challenge came with the prompt: 

...being clear is essential to... 

I couldn't resist using it to tell you the rest of the conversation. When you're done, pop over to Julia's Place to read the other entries. 

Being Clear Is Essential To Good Parenting

"I'm not going to die Darling."
"Yes, you said it."
"No I didn't."
"Yes you said you're going to die!" She's getting upset now. And so am I. 

Desperately trying to remember what I'd said that she could have misconstrued, "I didn't say that. I'm not going to die!"
"Why you told me that then?" DD almost in tears.
"I didn't!" Me almost in tears.

Trying again, "What did I say? Can you remember?"
"You said you're going to die because your bottom's too big to fit on the swing."
"Diet, Darling. I'm going to diet, not die." 

From Google Images under Fat Women Cartoons

#Listography - 5 Reasons I know... I'm Not Starting A Detox Today

5 Reasons I know...

...you can fill in the rest with whatever takes your fancy. Read mine and then go and see the others at Listography on Kate Takes 5.

5 Reasons I know I'm not starting a detox today

1. The potatoes I bought yesterday for the magic eat-all-you-want soup turned into chips before I had time (or inclination) to make the soup.

2. The ketchup I ate with the chips isn't on the detox diet list - should have eaten them with cayenne pepper and maple syrup I think.

3. The plumber who fitted my new tap in the bathroom nine months ago, at great expense because he bought me the best most expensive tap on the market, and who assured me it was still under guarantee when it broke, told me he would fix the new one if I went to Plotsk to pick it up. I don't have a car and though it may not actually be Plotsk but it might as well be. I shouted at him, he told me I should be thanking him, I threatened him with my local huduyu fb group, he put the phone down on me, I burst into tears. Contacting him in the first place was my 'step out of your comfort zone' assignment for #LifeCircle. #Lifecirclefail and go searching for comfort in the fridge.

4. There was some chocolate left and I've already had the talk with DD about how we're not having anymore sugar at home for a while (she ate far to much over Purim and even she told me it was too much in the end). So who's going to eat it if I don't finish it off? I cannot waste food.

5. Was offered a slice a cake to celebrate someone's birthday at work. Well it would have been rude not to.

Teenage Cooking: Voodoo Sausages

I saw these on facebook and I just had to try it. So after I'd bullied Big Chief Recipeshed to make this week's theme cooking for kids I set out to design a recipe especially for teenagers.  

Voodoo Sausages

1. Give each teenager a sausage and ask them to imagine that the sausage is their worst enemy. You may employ some group discussion in order to share and empathise, etc...

2. Hand out sticks of dried spaghetti. Explain the concept of voodoo and voodoo dolls in particular.

3. Stick the enemies through with spaghetti pins.

4. Put the voodoo sausages into a cauldron pot of boiling water and watch them boil to death until the pasta is cooked.

5. Serve and eat. Good topics for conversation over dinner would be; the satisfaction of revenge or cannibalism by proxy.

6. Sit back and wait for bad news. This could take several days or even weeks.

Disclaimer 1. My kitchen really is meat free. I used Tivall vegetarian sausages.

Disclaimer 2. For a real children's treat read about my vegetable nugget pancakes.

Disclaimer 3. For a really funny recipe read The Whisky Lovers' Christmas Fruit Cake.